Spring Arrivals

It seems winter must have one last hurrah as last night we received a fresh 4” blanket of snow and although it won’t last a full 24-hours, it dampens my spring dreams nonetheless. Small miracles like a surprise bouquet of tulips from my husband and occasional 50° sunny days had begun to make March feel like warmer days were here to stay, yet Mother Nature’s sense of humor reminds me anything is possible.

The stark contrast between green dreams one day and snow-filled landscape the next still gives me hope that spring bulbs will soon be emerging from the dark, wet soil. The plethora of robins at my feeders lately proves earth’s rebirth is near. I wonder if the robins also get annoyed at the sudden change in weather. I imagine a husband and wife set of robins considering why they came north so soon and perhaps they should have waited until April to make the trip.

I am rather “expectant” of my garden babies this year anxiously awaiting their arrival. While it's too soon to relocate houseplants and new seedlings like these Cosmos beauties to the front porch for spring/summer, each day I cannot help checking the weather forecast anyway. Perhaps my longing has more to do with waiting for time to pass until my beloved husband’s return from Iraq. I know once the weather stays warm that my husband will be home for good.

Until then, I’m waiting, waiting, waiting for the snow to melt and for my spring babies to make their appearance.

Where the Green Grass Grows

The promise of warmer weather later this week has me anticipating outdoor yard work and garden shed organization in preparation for seed sprouting season, which is just the type of green “therapy” I need to cure my end-of-winter blahs. Now, if only I could find that list of stuff to start from seed that I compiled a few days ago. Oh, how I yearn to be outdoors with a warm breeze and sunshine on my skin digging in dirt!

Lately, dreams of daffodils and tulips engulf me as I eagerly await the rebirth of those sleeping pastel beauties. After the unusually long and harsh winter we’ve endured, the arrival of spring will truly feel like a miracle of nature. Even though that spring 'To Do' list is likely more than I can handle, you won’t hear me grumbling once I get green-grass underfoot.

Each week as I pass the floral section at the local supermarket, I feel the pots of spring bulbs calling me louder and louder saying, “Please take me home…who knows when this cold spell will finally break.” So far, I’ve avoided the temptation, but I’m afraid I cannot hold out much longer…and maybe I shouldn’t resist. I could use a few more spring bloomers out front and their sunny disposition always provides a welcome respite.

Want a fun new spring project to try? Visit this link: Chair Planter.

You can use an old chair of your own or pick one up dirt-cheap at a local thrift store. Try using potted bulbs like tulips or daffodils that you can later plant right into your garden!

Countrified

Raising a family in today’s climate is adventurous and complex. Living in a small, rural community makes communication easier between parents given there are fewer families coupled with that small-town mentality. Some would call it clandestine, which I wouldn’t necessarily dispute, yet we do watch out for each other’s kids and property because that’s what you do in a small town. We don’t have “city cops” to patrol the streets so community action is all we have for protection. Yea, everybody knows everyone else’s “business” but that familiarity is comforting to me. I like that people keep you informed even if you sometimes wish you hadn’t heard certain things.

Driving along our country roads (which are always in need of repair), you’ll find that most drivers wave at you, but the type of greeting varies from the one-finger raised from the steering wheel, to the raised-arm, to the forehead-salute, or the head-nod, and sometimes (for folks you know well) it’s the hand-wave and wide grin. You’ll likely meet up with some barking dogs alongside the road (or in the middle if they’re young pups) and possibly a Rhode Island Red or Bantam rooster strutting about as if they own the road.

If you have a flat tire or hood up on your vehicle alongside the road, you are pretty much guaranteed to attract a friendly face offering help or a ride to town. You’ll also find retired gents congregating over a cup of coffee at the gas station, kids riding their bikes to school, and a complete absence of traffic save for when school starts and ends. If your daily commute to work often leaves you stuck in a traffic jam behind a slow-moving tractor pulling a load of grain or hay, consider yourself countrified.

Technologically Challenged

Although the adage always proves true, no one wants to admit to the inevitable “becoming your parents” experience. Yet, it happens sometimes subtly and other times it smacks you in the face. Usually it’s not until after the episode that you recognize the eerie similarities. Recently, an exasperating encounter with a videophone internet program that my husband (in Iraq) wanted to try proved, yet again, that technology is changing faster than I am.

As a parent myself, it never ceases to amaze me how easily our boys learn and use the latest hi-tech gadgets. I learn well enough, but frustrate easily when things don’t work as I expect. For example, navigating the internet is a fluid exercise for them, yet for me it can be a rather bumpy ride at times. Even the act of “writing” has gone hi-tech by forcing you to compose at the keyboard instead of in your head. Personally, there are times I prefer putting pen to paper but the older I get, the more I appreciate the ease of use my laptop computer provides.

With technology encroaching into every facet of our lives from coffee makers to washing machines to the vehicles we drive, it seems the days of rotary dials and simple on/off switches are long gone. Recently I purchased a new desk lamp because I liked the style but couldn’t figure out how to turn it “on” as I thought the switch had broken off, but turns out it was a “touch” lamp. My dad got a kick out of me trying to “touch” one of his lamps to turn it on but apparently, it was the “regular” kind and not the “fancy” kind as he called it.

I guess I am the “tween” generation being born to the rotary-dial age (like my parents) and having grown up in the digital age (to which my kids were born). I like the advances and enjoy being able to set a timer on my coffee maker to have fresh java when I wake up at 7am, but I dislike the frustrating 30 minutes it took me to figure out how to set it up the first time. My husband likes having his favorite television program recorded and sent to him on DVDs (the current episodes, not the ones you buy in the store), but that means each time I run out of DVDs, I’ll spend 15 minutes at Best Buy trying to remember which type of recordable DVDs work in our DVD recorder.

For the Birds

Life on a farm includes caring for a multitude of crops and animals. I grow herbs and veggies for drying and canning and always enjoy making hoards of apple butter from our various apple trees. Yet growing, tending, and cutting flowers is what really makes my heart soar! Even dividing bulbs, rhizomes, and hostas is great fun as it means I get more free plants to disperse. This love of flowers has provided other surprises I’ve come to enjoy as much as finding new buds on a lilac or peony bush: butterfly and bird watching.

Gardening is a never-ending learning experience full of experimentation and wonder just like my on-going appreciation for our winged and feathered friends. I observe these avian beauties with awe and curiosity to understand how they live, what and how they eat, and where they raise their young. Recognizing the subtle color variations of similar birds and knowing the names of the most strikingly beautiful birds (like the Indigo Bunting) has become as second nature to me as spying weeds from a distance among my flowerbeds. In Iowa, gardening is a three-season affair with the winter months dragging at a snail's pace. The few plants I winter indoors like pink geraniums don’t nearly satisfy my green thumb, so I’ve come to appreciate bird watching for its year-round appeal.

Of course, anytime I feed the birds our cows have gotten the idea that means I will have something for them too. Just before our two mama cows had calved last spring, I began feeding them cracked corn/protein and carried it to their feed trough in a bucket. I also use a (different) bucket to carry the birdseed to refill my birdfeeders. So now, anytime the cows see me toting a bucket around, they saunter to the fence and stare me down often mooing to get my attention. I don’t feed them cracked corn now but I do keep extra apples in the fridge as they enjoy eating them almost as much as the corn. I got in the habit of feeding them apples from our apple trees to get rid of the bruised, fallen, and unsavory ones. The experience has taught me that cows have good eyesight (probably better than mine without my glasses).

Snowbound

Yesterday I did my usual online check of the weather forecast to see what the “experts” predicted for the coming weekend. I was amazed to see a Winter Advisory for 2-4” of snow and wondered when a few inches of snow in Iowa began requiring an Advisory. But after waking to a new 6” blanket of snow, I decided I was thankful for the forewarning nonetheless.

Outside our kitchen window near my desk, our trees and bushes are often filled with feathered friends who regularly beckon me to fill their feeders. It’s amazing to learn the habits of these creatures and know with a look what they’re thinking. One bird perched on a branch near the window began staring at me intently with its head cocked as if to appeal to my sense of duty. So despite the howling snow and wind, I donned my coat, gloves and snow boots then headed out with my full pail of birdseed to quell their hunger.

Our dog, Lucky, is quite the dramatist during snowfalls running and leaping through big drifts one minute then standing outside the sliding doors the next fake shivering asking to be let inside. Make no mistake, though, this canine is an outside dog who relishes his rounds about the farm checking on everything in his territory. His dramatic feats are designed for my benefit, it seems, because even if I do let him inside, he’ll quickly ask to be let back out to chase off a small herd of deer or a stray dog.

Our cows have their own mannerisms in the winter and today they each have a blanket of snow clinging to their backs as they chow down at the newly filled hay feeder. In the warm months, they each go their own way rather independently with the two babies play fighting now and then. In the winter, they stick together and move as a pack to use each other’s body heat to keep warm never wandering too far from their food source.

Even though we are snowbound for today, there is plenty to see and do around our farm. With the bright sun shining in the crystal blue sky, I might head out for a walk down the lane shortly to see what other snow-covered miracles I can find.

Do It Now

The end of a year and start of another is always good cause to review both the good and lesser events that transpired the last twelve months. For many Americans, the economy has yielded many heart-wrenching and sleepless nights while electing the nation’s first African-American president has inspired joy and hope alike. This annual review seems to prompt us to make certain “promises” to ourselves to do better in 2009. A scan of the Sunday newspaper ads in January will tell you Exercise and Health are often big resolutions after the overindulgences of the holidays.

The tricky thing about goals is how you sell them to yourself. Typically, we regard goals as tedious objectives that just need done. That’s where I always get stuck by mentally sabotaging things before I even really get started. Then another year goes by and you’re still sporting those extra pounds, haven’t finished that front porch project, or keep putting off publishing that book or going back to college.

Some time ago, I composed a personal proverb, wrote it on a piece of tape, and affixed it to my computer screen. This three-word motto is action oriented and helps me cut through the mental sludge that I use to procrastinate (more often than I care to admit). I even, briefly, considered getting it tattooed on the inside of my wrist, but concluded that idea was a little severe.

Time is usually the biggest barrier to establishing new routines (especially with our already exhaustive schedules). For me, the process of over-analyzing the “how” inflates that molehill into a mountain faster than my dog can chase a cat up a tree! Some experts advise finding ways to make your goals fun so you’re more likely to do them. OK, so listening to an iPod while working out can make that particular activity more enjoyable, but certain aspirations are just plain not fun, so what then?

That’s where your personal proverb becomes crucial. Some might label this a self-imposed “guilt trip” or mental kick-in-the-pants, but too often our brain is the thing limiting our accomplishments. Cut that part out of the equation and all you’re left with is Get It Done, Just Do It, or (my personal favorite) Do It Now. Start anywhere and anytime without imposing restrictions on yourself. Remember, any effort and improvement is better than where you were yesterday, right? That old Greek fable The Tortoise and the Hare teaches a lesson we too often forget: Slow and steady wins the race.

Getting started feels good and soon you won’t have to work at making time for the new routine. Overcoming fears of publishing and reader feedback has been an obstacle of mine (despite having a Bachelor’s Degree in English). After reading a December 2007 gardening article referencing the writer’s blog site, I decided blogging might be an avenue for me, so in January 2008, Flowermama Rocks was born. Granted, it’s not a book on a Barnes & Noble shelf, but it is a place to publish my work, analyze feedback, and hone my craft. It’s been a long and arduous year at times (especially with my husband being deployed in Iraq), but the writing has taken on a life of its own and is just part of my routine much like that wonderful first cup of morning coffee or a swim on a hot day.

So, right now, write a personal proverb of your own that inspires you to get going on those New Year’s promises to yourself. Keep your eye on the goal, but enjoy yourself along the way to make the journey worth continuing.

Winter Wonders

December in Iowa this year is typically snow, snow, and more snow. Here in eastern Iowa, we got about 8” earlier in the week and about 3-4" more yesterday. Although I wouldn’t trade our winter country vista for anything, it’s fortunate that snow is so beautiful or we wouldn’t put up with this weather. With my husband away in Iraq, clearing the lane defaults to me, which I wasn’t looking forward to as our skid loader is tricky to start these days sporting a broken choke wire.

I was working myself up to the snow-clearing task when a neighbor and friend down the road called to see if we wanted our lane cleared. They have a boy my oldest son’s age in school and I graciously agreed it would be a wonderful treat! It reminded me of the movie It's a Wonderful Life at the end where George gets a Bible from his angel Clarence with the inscription, "Remember, no man is a failure who has friends!"

Without friends to enjoy life’s breathtaking and miserable moments, our existence would be unbearably mundane and lonely. Sharing work lightens the load and sharing a joy or a giggle makes it all the more enjoyable. So, yesterday watching the second snowfall this week, I baked some Christmas goodies (cookies, pumpkin bread, and apple butter) to share with friends and family. If you’re fortunate enough also to be friends with all your family, it’s wondrous (because we all know being family doesn’t mean you’re always nice to one another).

The first delivery I make will be close to home…just down the road to thank some good friends for their endearing kindness. I would get too weepy explaining how much the simple act of clearing our lane meant to me (especially this holiday season with my husband away), so I hope my homemade goodies will humbly show my appreciation well enough.

If the Fates Allow

Christmas magic is all around, but this year doesn’t feel quite the same with daddy away in Iraq. He says it will be, “just another day” as it will be here at home for us too. The feeling reminds me of my favorite Christmas movie Meet Me in St. Louis. Yea, it’s not a typical holiday flick, but the main dramatic scenes take place at Christmastime with Judy Garland singing that marvelous holiday tune Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

The movie was released in 1944 during World War II and the song had special meaning for audiences then missing loved ones away serving their country. That endearing theme always tugs at my heat-strings each time I see it, especially this year feeling melancholy for the warmth of an old-fashioned, family Christmas.

Just getting by day-by-day is tough when you are counting the hours and being separated by war and many oceans will truly tell if two souls are made for one another. Oh, the irony of the familiar routines we all too often take for granted like snuggling, kisses, and handholding. As the song goes, “Someday soon we all will be together…if the fates allow.” For this Christmas season, we’ll don our holiday faces and get by all right even if our hearts aren’t quite as merry.

Our only wish this Christmas is that daddy returns home safe. Each night we dream of his homecoming and the first breathtaking glimpse of him walking towards us in the airport. That look, the first glance that makes our hearts leap, is worth all the waiting.

Frozen Folly

Living on a farm is so beautiful in the winter with the white landscape stretching to infinity. The scene didn’t seem quite as picturesque this morning, though, when my routine check of the cattle’s automatic waterer revealed it was empty (and thus frozen somewhere). Typically, this daily review takes just a few seconds and I briefly thought of skipping it this morning until I saw two of our cows lingering by the waterer and I knew something was amiss.

So, I went over to verify the thing was frozen (which it was) and then plodded to the house for a bucket of hot water to thaw the icy obstruction. When my hot water technique failed to remedy the problem, I called our hired hand to see if he could come out and investigate. He suggested leaving a bucket of water out for the cows and assured me I could go to work and he’d call me later with an update.

While running buckets of water to the cows (there were many as the black one was quite thirsty), I heard the water flowing into the automatic tank after the tan cow had drained the warm water. I called our hired man back to let him know the problem had been fixed. Driving into work, I felt good I’d been able to handle things alone in spite of the frosty 14° temperature. I hadn’t even minded when the cows began sticking their noses into my backside trying to find out what I was doing. I just had to check my butt for cow slime before going into the office.

Obstacles are presented, undoubtedly, to test us and provide opportunities to grow even though at the time, frustration can impede our ability to see the lesson. Embracing complications makes the simple things like the first season’s snowfall or a working automatic waterer feel blessed. Open your eyes and find the blessings all around you like piles of laundry and dirty dishes because it means you have many loved ones to share your life! Don a smile and hum a song while doing those dishes and take breaks to hug your family or just sit in the same room and enjoy their company. It’s the little moments in life that take our breath away so, make sure you’re watching for them!

The Good Stuff: great gifts on the cheap!

The holidays can be daunting when you have to find gifts that fit your budget when you’re low on cash and short on ideas. Growing up in a frugal family never meant we didn’t have fun at Christmas, though. My mom, the master seamstress, would use fabric scraps to fashion baby doll and Barbie clothes for my sister and I. She’d sew all year and at Christmas, our dolls would get new wardrobes and were the best dressed around! How I wish we’d saved some of those precious doll clothes that were so amazing, but back then it just seemed normal. Of course, this was long-before doll fashions were readily available. If you happen to be handy with a sewing machine, it’s a great, inexpensive way to make presents!

Homemade gifts are special because they are made with love and one-of-a-kind. Very few gifts still give you warm fuzzies years later as those someone crafted just for you! I think of all the hours my mom must have spent making those tiny, little doll clothes. Much time, re-doing, and fitting must have been required and all under covert operation as I don’t ever recall seeing her make them. These memories are truly The Good Stuff in life.

So, if you’re searching through couch cushions to find extra cash this year to get presents, don’t fret about it, just try one of the ideas in my Penny Pincher's Gift Guide, below. If you’re handy with sewing, knitting, scrapbooking, woodworking, or another artistic endeavor, use your talents to make something personal and one-of-a-kind special. But, KEEP IT SIMPLE so you can finish the project and don’t end up running to the mall when Christmas comes and your grandiose ideas fail to materialize.

Penny Pincher’s Gift Guide:

A Great Read
Give a copy of a favorite book you’ve read (a new release or a classic) as a gift with a hand-written note in the front explaining why you think that person will enjoy it with your Holiday wishes. It’s personal and inexpensive. If you need help locating a book, try: Amazon Books.

Magazine subscription
Everyone has a favorite pastime or hobby and giving a subscription to a publication that feeds their frenzy will be enjoyed throughout the year. You can purchase a newsstand copy of the latest issue to wrap with a hand-written holiday note to give it a personal touch. You can browse for ideas at Amazon’s magazine section by category: Amazon Magazines.

Personalized Calendar
This is a great one if you’re stumped for what to get parents and/or in-laws. Collect some cherished family photos (the larger the better, but don’t worry if they’re not perfect quality as that can be touched up or left as is for age-old charm), then and take them to a copy store like FedEx Kinko’s where they can make a personalized calendar using your photos. Then your parents/in-laws can enjoy the memories (again) all year!

Make a gift
Homemade gifts are great IF you have the time to make them, right? Well, here are a few frugal ideas you can make in a hurry:

Hot Chocolate Cones
To put a twist on this classic winter treat, create your own hot chocolate mixes to store in clear, plastic (frosting) piping bags - the disposable kind that come several to a package. When you’re done, the package ends up looking like an ice cream cone! Put several Hot Chocolate Cones together in basket, wrap with cellophane, and tie with a festive ribbon.

--Layer cocoa in first (store-bought envelopes are the fastest and easiest).

--Add marshmallows.

--Top with chocolate chips and/or crushed peppermint candies.

--Tie the top with a ribbon, and voilà!

Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix
Homemade cookies are the best, but who has the time to gather all the ingredients (including a trip to the store for stuff you don’t have on hand) and whip them together after a long, taxing day with the kids or at work? For the cookie-lovers on your list, make these simple mixes to store in a quart-sized Mason jar wrapped with a pretty bow and personalized holiday card.

--Layer 1 cup choclate chips on the bottom. Tap jar to level/settle the chips.

--In a bowl, combine 2 c. flour, 1/2 tsp. baking powder & 1/2 tsp. salt.
Layer the mixture on top of the chocolate.

--Add 3/4 c. chopped walnuts or pecans (skip this for the nut-less variety).

--Layer 3/4 cup of firmly packed brown sugar on top.

--Seal the jar and tie it with a ribbon and attach this simple recipe:

Preheat oven to 350°. Have ready two nonstick baking sheets. Using a mixer or wooden spoon, cream together 3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) softened butter with the brown sugar in the jar. Add 2 eggs, mixing them in one at a time. Add 1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract and blend. Add remaining ingredients from the jar and mix just until all the flour is absorbed. Use 2 tablespoons of dough for each cookie spacing an inch apart. Make until golden brown. Cool on wire racks. Makes 24 cookies.

Want More Homemade Gift Recipes?
Check out the Betty Crocker website for more ideas at: Betty Crocker Gift Giving.

The Thrill of the Hunt?

Black Friday (aka the Friday after Thanksgiving) is less than a week away. I myself stay as far away from the stores on this particular day as possible given my aversion to crowds and shopping in general. It’s not that I don’t like to buy things, rather the whole “retail environment” seems very unfriendly to me. The overcrowded shelves and isles barely big enough for a person to navigate (much less a person with a cart) are anything but inviting. Getting too close to most shelves sends scads of products tumbling to the floor with dozens more teetering on the edge just waiting to be hoisted into an awaiting shopping cart. Lately, I’ve wondered if stores position products too close to the shelf edge purposely to lure unsuspecting customers into knocking them onto the floor and being forced to examine the item(s) and perhaps take them home.

My sister, on the other hand, loves the adventure of shopping on Black Friday. An otherwise demure and lovely person, she transforms into a tiger relishing the thrill of the hunt for the best and most-sought-after items. Like the other hungry hunters, she dresses light and maps out her route using the newspaper ads to devise her shopping strategy. Admittedly, I have not seen her in action, but listening to her describe the adrenaline rush was eerily familiar. These tiger-like shoppers are precisely the reason I cannot venture past my own backyard even for a gallon of milk or loaf of bread on Black Friday.

I suspect the waning economy will have a pacifying affect on shoppers this year with fewer people rushing to buy, buy, buy. Perhaps more of them, like me, will shop online or play the “waiting game” to see just how low stores are willing to price things to make end-of-year sales. Hopefully, this year stores will re-evaluate their environment to make the atmosphere more appealing to buyers. Can we bring back the soothing music, store demonstrations, and retrain some of those stock people to run a cash register for goodness sake!

If you happen to be working in the retail trenches on Black Friday, I will keep you in my prayers and hope you take plenty of aspirin with you.

Being Thankful

Giving thanks is customary this time of year with Americans devoting an entire holiday to the concept of thankfulness. Traditionally, the idea stems from being grateful for an ample harvest to survive the coming winter, but nowadays the message has much to do with family and appreciating life’s many other gifts. This year being separated from my husband has me contemplating the basic blessings of freedom and choice. We often go days, weeks, and years without giving a second’s thought to what these freedoms really cost, but this year I plan to do better.

To that end, I have decided to list the things I am thankful for this year. Some are profound and others are frivolous, but isn’t that what makes life unique and interesting? I hope you will write down your own list of things for which you are grateful this year and keep it visible (like on the fridge) to remind you of what truly matters in your life. Below is my own list to give you ideas on how to get started:

This year, I am thankful for:

• My beloved husband who makes my heart race when I see him and hurt when we’re apart.
  
• Funny, intelligent, loving boys to make life rich and full of energy.
  
• A warm, comfortable home to escape the stresses of the outside world.
  
• The unconditional love of a dog to comfort me when I’m alone or can’t sleep at night.
  
• Crossword puzzles to keep my mind occupied in waiting rooms and during endless meetings.
  
• Cell phones to keep connected to family and friends anywhere, anytime.
  
• The invigorating power of coffee to jolt me to life in the mornings (how else would I ever get to work on time).
  
• Flannel sheets to warm my body (especially my feet) on cold winter nights.
  
• Big screen televisions that make watching Sunday afternoon football even more exciting.
  
• The amazing power of the Internet that allows me to “talk” to my husband in Iraq every day. How wonderful, indeed!

Walking the Dog

Walking around the farm in fall with our dog, Lucky, is such a divine experience taking in the crisp air hearing my feet crunch on blankets of leaves. The grove of trees at the end of our lane has a clearing in the center with several large boulders placed there, no doubt, by a previous farmer who hauled them from a field. Over time I have cleared the dead trees and foliage so it serves as a kind of shrine to nature. I like to sit perched on a big boulder surrounded by the sounds of birds and various creatures scurrying amongst the leaves and downed branches.

Of course this time of year, there is also the sound of grain dryers from neighboring farms prepping their crops for storage or sale. Our dog and cats become feisty as the temperatures drop always wanting to run here and there jumping and leaping like crazy. It must be the way they get their blood pumping to keep themselves warm, I suppose, but the scene is somewhat cartoonish. In the mornings before work as I walk the sidewalk from the house to the barn, the dog leaps at me with his front paws poised like a boxer sparring in a ring. This particular tendency may be Lucky’s way of showing that he misses Daddy, too, as my husband would always play-fight with him on his way to the car before work. I haven’t found a way to tell Lucky that Daddy’s in Iraq and can’t play with him until summer when he gets home.

With so much to do around the farm, I haven’t kept my bird feeders full of seed as I typically do and I find myself missing their jovial presence in the front yard. Now that fall is here and we have the end-of-season chores finished, perhaps I should get more of my feathered friends’ favorite seeds and fill up their bird bath. The weather here as has been unseasonably warm for this time of year and I hadn’t noticed until recently that the migration patterns haven’t quite kicked into full gear yet. I have spied a few flocks heading southward, but the geese haven’t arrived in our fields yet as they traditionally do by now. You can’t see the geese, but you can hear them especially when Lucky gets a wild hair and takes off in their direction and they take off en-masse. That’s just Lucky protecting his turf and I’m glad he’s here to keep watch and sound the alarm when anything moves.

Alien Invasion

Somehow, I thought this deployment would be easier given that we’ve been through the experience before and know what to expect. As usual, life proved just as unpredictable as ever when it comes to human emotions. A few weeks ago, I began having what my doctor called “panic attacks,” but for me it was as if an explosion went off inside my body with the racing heart, profuse sweating, and frantic thoughts.

Confused and unnerved, I opted to take a break from work and started driving around town in my car crying and trying to figure out how to expel the demons. In retrospect, the scene is quite amusing but in the thick of the moment, these sudden emotions felt like an alien invasion bent on destruction. The only other times I’ve had episodes like these involved trying to shop at Wal-mart in rush hour. Yet unlike shopping, I couldn’t just leave my cart and exit the store to drive home to escape the anxiety. This particular panic episode would require another solution.

Ironically, the movie Aliens was on TV recently and watching it was surreal…especially the alien-bursting-from-the-chest nightmares that Sigourney Weaver’s character has throughout the movie. It made me wonder if the writer(s) of the original Alien story experienced panic attacks and decided to make up a story about what it would feel like to have one. Speaking from experience, I think they got it exactly right. Your fears and anxieties hunt you down and when they catch you, they don't kill you, but instead implant the evil seeds of panic in the pit of your stomach. Eventually, the panic rises up and can feel like it will burst through your chest and kill you instantly.

After a while, it became clear the aliens weren’t going to leave me on their own accord. I would need some type of exorcist to help me out on this one. Not being catholic and unaware of any local, practicing exorcists, I opted for some counseling/therapy and a trip to my doctor. I can’t say it has been a miracle cure, but slowly day-by-day and week-by-week I have started to feel good again. Being able finally to get good, quality sleep has transformed me, shockingly, into a morning person. OK, I’m not a member of the Perky Morning Crowd, but getting up in the mornings definitely has become easier and even (dare I say) enjoyable.

Cornucopia of Colors

October is my favorite time of year with the landscape transforming before our eyes as the foliage assumes its annual cornucopia of colors. Each day brings a new view as nearby farmers combine their fields from dawn until way past dusk. Tractors and wagons full of grain sit waiting for transport to market. The scene is one that has been played out for generations and, at times, it can be hard to tell exactly which decade we are in as most small farmers have older equipment because it works, is easily repaired, and “paid for.”

We have an old Allis Chalmers 1945 WD tractor that we consider the workhorse of our farm. We use it to move bales, till up gardens and fields, and even to pull sleds in the winter. A few years ago, my husband bought a gallon of orange paint hoping to fix up his "baby," but that paint still sits unopened on a barn shelf. I actually prefer the current well-worn patina and love using discarded farm machinery and implements as cherished ornaments in my landscape. They have a history and interest each with its own story to tell.

The current economy certainly has most people using things longer and fixing up the old rather than buying new. This concept is well-known to most country folk as life here is slower and less prone to things trendy and fancy. Everyone chooses their lifestyle and that choice says something about you. Our lifestyle probably says simple, quiet, and peaceful. Home should be a haven to escape life’s stresses as well as a place to share with family and friends.

If you were to visit our home, you’d find a long lane with an acre of prairie grass and wildflowers near a line of cottonwood and sugar maple trees. There are various evergreens, a big weeping willow, apple trees, and tall maples in the front yard surrounding our front porch (which is wall-to-wall windows to enjoy the view without mosquitoes). Our dinnerware consists of mismatched utensils, black and white enamelware plates, and mason jars for drinking.

The mason jars didn’t happen on purpose, really, but evolved when our other glasses broke one-by-one and we were short on glassware. I substituted mason jars here and there and we drink from them exclusively now. Fittingly, the mason jars suit our simple, country lifestyle much like that old, (sort of) orange ’45 WD tractor. If you happen to see my husband out on his baby in the field, ask him if he ever plans to restore that old tractor.

Everyday Moments

With my husband deployed for the next several months in Iraq, I am having trouble restraining my compulsive re-decorating habit. I would re-arrange things daily or weekly if it didn’t irritate my family so much to come home to strange surroundings. Understanding their point of view, I am trying to curb my “hobby” by limiting it to accessories and a thorough editing of our clutter. I used feel rather self-critical about this habit until recently when, courtesy of the internet, I discovered scads of folk who share my pension for compulsive re-arranging. Alas, people who understand me!

After reading countless blogs and self-help articles, I have determined this tendency appears to be more about emotional clutter than it does physical clutter. As odd as that sounds, it makes total sense to me given that I often “clean” or “rearrange” stuff when I’m upset about something. A physical cleansing of my environment helps me work through whatever is bothering me. When I’m finished, both my mind and my house are clear.

From my point of view, cleaning and rearranging is a healthy way to deal with excess energy or anxiety compared to habits like smoking or drugs. The fact that there isn’t an organization called Re-arranger’s Anonymous seems proof enough to me that this activity doesn’t warrant a trip to therapy. No one thinks you need help if you run five miles a day to relieve stress (unless you’re anorexic, of course). Still, I suppose moderation is the key to gauging when something is getting out of control.

But if you have to moderate yourself all the time life becomes exhausting, doesn’t it? When did we become so concerned with fixing every little thing that we stopped living life? Norman Rockwell elevated the joy of everyday life in his artwork with an emotional and timeless quality that always makes me smile when I come across his work. At the end of a busy week, I find myself longing for more Norman Rockwell moments in my own life even though they’re right in front of me if I take the time to look.

So with the sounds of the washing machine and the dishwasher humming a chorus in the background, I stop and listen to the world around me. The crickets are chirping as they often do on cool fall evenings here in the country with an occasional loud croak of a frog here and there. My computer’s low whir and clicking keys make for an unusual, but none the less interesting orchestral accompaniment. My desk is littered with Starburst candy wrappers and an empty Diet Coke bottle, which I will undoubtedly pick up before retiring to bed for the evening. Not the Norman Rockwell image I was hoping for, but it is my own wonderfully flawed life at this very moment. Now if I can just resist the urge to put away those dirty dishes in the sink, I might be onto something.

In the Moment

I’m savoring every minute with my husband here on vacation with him in Ft. Rucker, Alabama as he trains to deploy for Iraq soon. Having been here a week with another week remaining, I have finally adjusted well-enough to the incredible heat and humidity that is common here this time of year. The horrible heat is surpassed only by the aggravating driving habits of the rural inhabitants of the surrounding towns and countryside.

We drove to a beach resort on the Florida panhandle this weekend to do some sunning and swimming. We enjoyed the local scenery and food, but although the seafood was obviously the freshest I’ve tasted, I still prefer the Red Lobster in Dothan, AL where we ate my first day here. I’m not sure if it was the thrill of dining alone with my husband or that the food there was so much better, but it tasted as heavenly as any seafood I’ve ever eaten. Although we’ve patronized many restaurants here thus far, I still want to go back to that Red Lobster for more of their cheesy seafood fondue, shrimp scampi, and coconut shrimp. Yet, Joe's Crab Shack in Destin, Florida was hands-down the most entertaining restaurant I've ever seen with their singing/dancing waitstaff that are so lively the crowd often even gets into the act.

We managed to see a couple of movies over the weekend that were both terrible. We watched “Brokeback Mountain” in the hotel room one night and back in Ft. Rucker on Sunday evening, we saw “The Happening.” They both had decent-enough plotlines that engrossed us sufficiently to wait for “the good part” to begin, but we were quite disappointed in them both. At one point during “Brokeback Mountain,” I suggested we turn off the TV and just go to sleep but my husband, who had awoken from a nap halfway through, said he wanted to see how it ended. So, we finished it only to be stumped by the pointless, nonsensical ending. We left the theater wondering if our luck in picking movies was turning sour, but the new “X-Files” movie is due out this week and we’ve both been eager to see it. We can only hope it will be more entertaining than the last two movie experiences have been.

This life of leisure I’ve been enjoying during my visit has filled my soul with warm memories that will be wonderful to revisit when my husband is off across the pond (i.e., in Iraq). Still, I do miss our farm, home, and animals. I picked up a book titled “Watchers” by Dean Koontz and enjoyed it thoroughly. One of the main characters is an intelligent golden retriever named Einstein that so reminded me of our dog, Lucky. Reading through its pages made me feel I was enjoying the dog’s company just as if I had Lucky beside me. It also made me realize my instincts about getting Lucky a mate are right on target because all species want someone with which to share their lives.

This week, I plan to visit the Ft. Rucker pool often and picked up a couple more Dean Koontz books at the local Wal-mart to read poolside. The base has a nice recreational pool and another lap pool. I have wanted to go to the lap pool to exercise, but somehow haven’t made it there yet. I’m guessing the locals fortunate enough to have their own backyard pools use them for exercise as much as recreation as I haven’t seen many outdoor joggers/runners here. Must not be many bookworms either as bookstores are nowhere to be found but, ironically, cosmetic dental surgeons are everywhere.

Mind Games

Today has been a frustrating day with my laptop computer not connecting to my husband’s cable modem in his room at Fort Rucker, Alabama where he’s stationed for a few more weeks until he’s deployed to Iraq. As I am temporarily out of work due to the destructive flooding in our area, I opted to visit my husband for a couple of weeks knowing I could take my work with me on my laptop. Unfortunately, that hasn’t worked out as I’d hoped. Life’s frustrations seem to have found me all the way down here in lower Alabama despite my best attempts to escape.

In muddling things over, I notice the sum of the numbers in today’s date is 23, which my oldest son would say is the reason for my misfortune. Lately, my son subscribes to this theory about the number 23 as this dark force that imparts negative energy into situations and people. So per his theory, it’s just a temporary force that will pass I guess. I have learned from this book I’m reading titled Mind Wide Open by Steven Johnson that emotions and feelings are automatic signals our minds send to our body in reaction to our thoughts and experiences (like the hair on your arm standing up when you are scared). These are signals our bodies give us to warn of potential threat to prompt us to action (like running away from danger). If we determine there’s no reason to flee or change what we’re doing, then it becomes a waiting game until our bodies return to normal and the emotions/feelings pass.

The secret to waiting lies in redirecting your energy/thoughts to keep you from obsessing over the problem at hand. For me the only things that distract me successfully are gardening and writing. Although, admittedly, writing is my way of working through a problem rather than distracting me from it. Gardening, on the other hand, consumes me especially pulling weeds. Frankly, weeds piss me off and despite my many attempts to dig up crab grass roots year after year, I always seem to have just as much left betwixt my beautiful flora and fauna. Even so, I find myself grateful to these weedy denizens for the essential, therapeutic purpose they serve in my life.

Writing and gardening also provide ways for me to manage life without my soldier/husband for another deployment. When hiding in the garden deadheading and pruning plants doesn’t do the trick, I crawl in bed with my laptop and write it out. Somehow, journaling or blogging about my frustrations helps me regain focus on the bigger picture that the daily grind of life tends to obscure. My recent stint as the Family Readiness Coordinator for my husband’s National Guard unit has also helped me to focus on helping other families with deployed soldiers. This experience has helped me realize that dealing with deployment is nearly impossible to do on your own…you need comrades (or a close-knit group of people in the same situation that you are in) to help you navigate the tormented seas of deployment and perhaps even become a stronger person in the process.

Someday

All my life I have lived under the guise of working hard today to save for someday. Instead, I am praying my beloved husband makes it through the next 12 months of National Guard duty in Ballad, Iraq. Just weeks ago, he put in for retirement having served 23+ years in the Guard; we anxiously anticipated him attending all our boys sports games without drill weekend conflicts. He’d packed his Guard gear to turn in at his next (and hopefully last) drill weekend. It was then he was notified he would likely be going to Iraq for a year and retirement had to wait.

Instead of planning our August Arkansas vacation, we were thrust into deployment preparations. Much is left unsaid at such times as it’s better if you don’t discuss the things your soldier will miss. Suddenly the high cost of gas and how to pay for three sets of braces didn’t matter at all. Overnight the future had morphed into a nebulous fog obscuring everything around us.

Each minute, hour, and day of his last week before departure we spent at home together doing regular family things. My husband and I both took vacation to be home with the kids and complete maintenance chores to last us through the next year. We floated through those days effortlessly like subjects in a Norman Rockwell painting. We hope to have many more somedays like these when daddy comes home for good.