Wrangling Chaos: ADHD for Dummies

• Are you pulling your hair out trying to handle a spirited child or family member?
  
• Are you constantly struggling with daycare for a child whose body is always in overdrive?
  
• Are you overwhelmed by family gatherings filled with chaos and emotionally charged conversation? Are you searching for help and guidance written in plain language written by a person just like you?

If so, you have come to the right place! Our home is no stranger to chaos with 3 out of 5 people having attention deficit (ADD and AD/HD) as well as a long family history of hyperactivity and attention deficit. After years of doctors, therapy, and self-help books, I have found the following basic tips may be helpful for others struggling with similar situations.

1. Find Help – Finding a good doctor or clinic whose primary focus is children with behavior and attention deficit issues is ideal Travel to a neighboring community, if needed, and use the phone or email for questions between visits.
   
   Resource: CHADD – Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder - Founded in 1987 in response to the frustration and isolation experienced by parents and their children with AD/HD, CHADD is the nation’s leading non-profit organization serving individuals with AD/HD and their families offering support for individuals, parents, teachers, professionals, and others. www.chadd.org
   
   For online help in locating a physician in your area that diagnoses/treats ADD/ADHD, visit: http://www.help4adhd.org/en/treatment/prof.
   
   
2. Clear the Clutter – Every day do a sweep of your home, car, and office/desk to put things in their place. Clutter is extremely distracting, so put stuff away every time whenever possible. Encourage kids to store everyday items like shoes and backpacks in the same place so they can easily find them the next time. Have kids keep their room or personal area(s) picked up each day (set a regular time like after dinner or before bed). Check their work and politely point out problem areas, then re-check again. When they complete the task successfully, praise them or offer a special privilege (like 10 extra minutes of time before lights out).
   
   Insider’s Tip: Don’t leave piles of paper and unopened mail on your desk to sort through later. Use the RAFT method to keep your paperwork/mail in check: get four bins or boxes and label them: READ, ACT, FILE, and TRASH.
   
   READ – for materials to review as time allows like magazines.
   ACT – for items requiring you to do something like insurance forms.
   FILE – for reference materials you want to keep on hand like quarterly investment statements.
   TRASH – for unwanted paperwork containing personal information (like credit card offers) that you need to shred or destroy.
   
   Use the bins to sort your mail and papers daily – be diligent about doing it every day – then clean the bins out weekly. Taking a little time each day saves you lots of time months later when you have to find something or sort through the mountain of papers.
   
   Resource: Organizing Solutions for People With Attention Deficit Disorder: Tips and Tools to Help You Take Charge of Your Life and Get Organized written by Susan Pinsky (printed by Fair Winds Press (December 1, 2006).
   
   
3. Embrace Consistency – Consistent schedules and routines are comforting so try to maintain the same morning, dinner, and bedtime schedule especially during busy weekdays.
   
   Insider’s Tips:
   Post a Family Calendar in a common area like the kitchen (a fridge or pantry door works well). This keeps everyone up to date and lets family members to communicate their individual schedules.
   
   Create family rituals to keep hectic lives in sync. Eating breakfast/dinner together or having a weekly game/ movie night lets family members know when they can count on being together.
   
   Resources:
   The ADHD Book of Lists: A Practical Guide for Helping Children and Teens with Attention Deficit Disorders by Sandra F., M.A. Rief (printed by Jossey-Bass (April 10, 2003).
   
   Keys to Parenting a Child with Attention Deficit Disorder written by Barry E. McNamara Ed.D. and Francine J. McNamara M.S.W. C.S.W. (printed by Barron's Educational Series, 2 edition, August 1, 2000).
   
   Everyday Opportunities for Extraordinary Parenting: Simple Ways to Make a Difference in Your Child's Life written by Bobbi Conner (printed by Sourcebooks; Revised edition (February 2001).
   
   
4. Know When To Say When –Too much at once is overwhelming, so balance new/challenging activities across several days if you can. Preparing for new things or changes in advance can help ease fear and worry.
   
   Resources:
   Driven to Distraction written by E. Hallowell and J. Ratey (printed by: Pantheon Books, 1994, New York).
   
   Delivered from Distraction: Getting the Most out of Life with Attention Deficit Disorder written by E. Hallowell and J. Ratey (printed by: Ballantine Books, December 27, 2005).
   
   When Too Much Isn’t Enough by Wendy Richardson, MA (printed 2005 by Piñon Press). Good discussion and ideas for learning to identify limitations and to structure your day/life to be more successful and fulfilling.
   
   
5. Tell Them About It – There are energic kids and there are attention deficit kids on overdrive who are impulsive and easily bored. Help your child understand their impulses and behaviors by talking things through with them especially when they have done something inappropriate so they can begin to understand what makes them tick. To keep children from feeling singled out for chronic behavior problems, try having a family discussion once/week (dinner is a good time) to talk about things each person likes and dislikes about themselves or each other to better appreciate each person’s unique qualities. For example, if you are not a morning person, let others know you prefer to tackle big things in the afternoons because that’s when your brain works best.
   
   Resources for Kids/Teens:
   Otto Learns about his Medication (for young children) written by M. Galvin (printed by Magination Press, 1988, New York).
   Shelly the Hyperactive Turtle (for young children) written by: D. Moss (printed by Woodbine House, 1989, Rockville, MD).
   
   Learning to Slow Down and Pay Attention written by K. Nadeau. and E. Dixon (printed by Chesapeake Psychological Pubs., 1993, Annandale, VA).
   
   Making the Grade: An Adolescent's Struggle with ADD written by R. Parker (printed by Impact Pubs., 1992, Plantation, FL).
   
   ADD and the College Student: A Guide for High School and College Students With Attention Deficit Disorder edited by Patricia O. Quinn (printed by the American Psychological Assn January 2001).
   
   
6. Disable Distractions – When working or doing homework, turn off the television, radio, cell phone, etc. This allows you and/or your child to work uninterrupted. Working on a clean desk with nothing but the essential items and facing a blank wall works better if you find yourself having trouble concentrating.
   
   Insider’s Tip: Each person’s work habits are different. One person may require complete silence to do their homework, while another may like to chew gum or hum while working. To limit interference between several children doing homework at the same time, have each one do their homework in a different room (living room coffee table, kitchen table, bedroom desk).
   
   Resource: Fidget to Focus (Outwit Your Boredom: Sensory Strategies for Living with ADD) by Roland Rotz, Ph.D. and Sarah D. Writer M.S., A.C.T (printed 2005 by iUniverse, Inc.). Great strategy book with self-help workbook.
   
   
7. Spread the Good Word – Too much negative talk makes people feel worthless or “bad,” so try to say at least one good thing for every constructive/corrective statement to balance things out. Use positive self talk to remind yourself of the good things in your life or that you've done to give yourself a pat on the back too!
   
   Insider’s Tip: Make a big deal out of saying Thank You to emphasize the positive whenever possible like saying, “Thank You so much, Brian, for taking out the trash tonight!”. If you have trouble finding good things to say, try starting with, “Good morning, sunshine!” or, “Good night, sunshine!”
   
   Resources:
   The Gift of ADHD: How to Transform Your Child’s Problems into Strengths by Lara Honos-Webb, Ph.D. (Printed 2005 by New Harbinger Publications, Inc.). Excellent reading for helping yourself, a spouse, a child, or friend with techniques for reframing your ideas about ADD and its impacts.
   
   Managing the Gift : Alternative Approaches for Attention Deficit Disorder written by Dr. Kevin Ross Emery (printed by Lightlines Publishing (September 2000).
   
   
8. Interview Child Care Providers with Care – Make sure the caregiver you are considering knows your child needs lots of structure, routine, and activities suited for active children. There's no point in pretending your child is an angel who will not be a problem especially if you have had issues with daycare providers in the past. It is better to keep looking and find the right place than to keep shuffling a child from one environment to another.
   
   Insider’s Tip: Visit potential caregivers during regular hours to see things in action or schedule a short trial period. Find a caregiver with children the same sex/age as your child to ensure your child is not a loner (which could lead to problem behavior due to boredom).
   
   Resources:
   Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (printed by HarperCollins Publishers 1991). This is a great book especially for parents with young children who are always “on the go” regardless of whether or not your child has been diagnosed with ADD or not.
   
   I Can't Sit Still: Educating and Affirming Inattentive and Hyperactive Children - Suggestions for Parents, Teachers, and Other Care Providers of Children to Age 10 by D. Johnson (printed by: ETR Associates, 1992, Santa Cruz, CA).