I admit I wasn’t paying attention when I ran into our screen door and ripped it. I was thinking about getting the pool chemicals and got side tracked. And that stop sign I nearly walked right into yesterday was another mishap. I was thinking about getting a new printer/scanner/copier and my mind was in never-never land … again. I did stop myself after stepping on the metal base wondering why it was there. At least I didn’t knock myself out cold.
Such is my life as a woman with attention deficit disorder. Staying focused on what’s important is a constant daily and hourly struggle for me. Some days I’m very lucid and have no trouble keeping on task. Other days, I cannot seem to remember anything. Therapy and medication have helped me a great deal, but behavior modification (or changing how you deal with things) is the best treatment of all. My 30-year adventure with attention deficit not only includes my own experiences, but also those of my 9-year old son, who also has ADD. Along our journey, I have observed and documented many of the life skills we use to live successfully with (and not suffer from) attention deficit.
Essential Life Skills for Living with ADD:
I use these tools as my “safety net” to help me to keep appointments and due dates as well as doing the ordinary day-to-day functions of life. I write down every place I need to be and thing I need to do. That way, even if I’m having a bad day, I can always know what my purpose is for any given day. Some days I can recite the list verbatim without even looking at it. Other days, the list itself is my lifeline.
Keep separate task lists by purpose, such as:
· Household chores
· Work tasks
· Hobbies
· Groceries/Shopping Lists
· Books to read
Each list has it’s own page, date, and list of “tasks.” I prioritize them to ensure I do the most important things first like this:
Household Errands
· Call to get Sean’s Concerta script
· Pick up script
· Fill script at pharmacy
I write down EACH STEP. Also, I schedule enough advance notice so I have a few days to get the task done in case I forget or get sidetracked with something else. This cushion helps me avert disasters - like not having enough medication for my son. That would require me to keep him home from school lest he drive the teacher insane.
2. Keep is simple.
Only do what you must during busy times (like getting ready for work/school in the mornings). The essentials are the only things you really NEED to get done. Let the rest go and add additional tasks you think of your To Do list.
3. Use Routine to stay on target.
Do your routine tasks in the same order each day. Habit will help you remember what to do next if you do it the same every day. Then, you won’t have to rely on your memory. Again, this is especially helping during busy times of the day.
4. Stick to the routine.
Don’t attempt to do forgotten extra tasks like homework or laundry in the morning. Modifying the routine for unexpected events will divert your attention from your usual tasks. You may become too focused on the diversion and completely forget the normal tasks. Again, add additional tasks you think of to your To Do list and resume your routine. I doubt your boss would understand about your coming in an hour late to work because you had to fold the laundry.
5. Allow extra time during busy periods of the day.
Don’t count on always being able to get your morning routine done in the minimum amount of time. Build in an extra 10-15 minutes each morning (or more if you need). This gives you a cushion for disasters such as coffee spills, traffic jams, locking your keys in your car, etc. Allow time for your mind to wander and explore – it’s how you learn and grow. Don’t try to keep such a rigid schedule you cannot succeed. For example, I know it should only take me 30 minutes to get ready every day, but some how I can never make that happen. I’m always remembering other things I need to do that distract me from my simple routine. Instead of fighting myself, I just allow a little more time. It reduces stress because I’m working with my ADD and not against it.
6. Talk quietly and slowly.
Whenever you talk with your spouse, kids, co-workers, slow down and look them in the eyes. Touch them on the arm, if needed, to get their attention – don’t raise your voice. Use your words and reason with them when there’s a problem. If you are particularly upset about an issue (especially in a work situation), give yourself a break and come back to the discussion later. When you feel strongly about something, you are unlikely to be constructive in the discussion. Rather, you may say or do impulsive things you later regret. Waiting a few minutes will allow you to think about what you want to say calmly and avoid a potential heated confrontation. Write down your ideas if you think you will not remember them when you go back to the discussion.
7. Prepare, prepare, prepare!
Don’t mentally avoid difficult situations. If you get stressed by meetings with your boss or talking about finances with your spouse, for example, schedule a time when you are comfortable to discuss the issue(s). Don’t wait for your boss to come to you if you know you have an issue that needs addressed. Any change in the expected routine is difficult for people with ADD. Often, they react to the change stronger than the event itself. I’m guilty of that many times. If I know in advance, I can mentally prepare myself for what “might” happen and it doesn’t seem so difficult when the event arises. Also, if you schedule the event yourself, you know when you need to be ready and can plan accordingly.
8. Stay active.
Working out, running, walking, aerobics or whatever form of exercise you choose is a great way to channel your extra energy. Daily exercise is also good for your body and helps you reduce stress.
Remember, even with medical treatment for your ADD, you won’t always handle difficult situations appropriately. As a parent who has ADD, I some times get angry and frustrated in working with my son. When needed, I retreat to another room to calm down and reflect on the situation. Feelings of failure occasionally run through my mind because I feel I cannot do myself what I’m expecting him to do. But, after careful thought, I go to him and talk things over. Afterwards, we do something together like read a story. Then, I explain why I got upset and how I handled it by giving myself time alone to think. I hope my life skills lessons will help him improve his self-monitoring and adaptation skills in dealing with his own internal attention deficit issues.
Since both my son and I have ADD, we have developed a special, unique connection. For example, I understand, and share, his trouble sleeping because there are too many thoughts running through his head to submit to rest. So, we play games or watch exercise videos together in the evenings to relax and spend our extra energy. The other night we did Taebo together for the first time. We had a riot jumping, kicking, and punching to the video. I wonder if Billy Blanks knows what a great form of therapy this is? He could really make a lot of money marketing that video to people with ADD. Maybe I should call him and discuss a marketing deal.
But first I really need to fix that screen door. With any luck, I won’t have to fix it again next Spring.
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