Dirty Dishes

I hate doing dishes. My Mom says I inherited the trait from my Aunt Barb. She hated them so much she would hide them under the sink, in cupboards, and even in the oven. I used to hide dishes until a mishap with Tupperware in the oven once.

I am married to a loving man and have three young boys. We live on a farm in Iowa that absolutely enchanted us when we found it. It had everything we dreamed of – except a dishwasher. Even so, we opted to divide household duties (meaning I would do the laundry and he would do the dishes). The strategy worked well until he was sent to Kosovo for a year on active duty with the National Guard. Our family was sad he would be away so long, but I was panicked because that meant I would have to be the family dishwasher.

Initially we had lofty hopes of installing an under-counter dishwasher before his departure. However, we lacked the necessary water and electrical hookups and installation would be quite time-consuming. With time precious in the weeks before his departure, we opted to forego the dishwasher and I assured my partner I could handle the job while he was away.

The job was easier said than done, but necessity forced me to adapt. It wasn’t just chance, I’m sure, that one day I stumbled on a sale at a local market offering flour-sack towels for a dollar each. Their crisp, white linen recalled memories of drying dishes as a young girl at grandma’s house.

Inspired, I carted my towels home and was surprised how much more efficiently they dried dishes than my terry-cloth variety. Soon, thought, I was painfully reminded why I hated doing dishes: cracking and bleeding dishpan hands. I opted to use paper plates awhile so my hands could heal.

Eventually, getting into a daily dish washing routine reduced prolonged dishwater exposure and prevented the sour-milk of cereal bowls left to ferment on the counter for too-many summer days. The idea to throw out the dirty dishes would be too costly and difficult to explain. Fortunately, latex gloves provided permanent relief and we didn’t have to use paper plates. Surprisingly, we still have the same set of dishes we had when my husband left for Kosovo.

When "daddy" returned home, our family rejoiced in many ways. Just being together doing anything was special. One night after dinner, he started washing the dishes as I dried them. He asked about the flour-sack towels and I explained that they reminded me grandma’s house. The women would clear the table and do dishes after each meal. I would usually dry but never understood why they didn’t air dry the dishes. I realize now it allowed women time to socialize and work simultaneously.

Maybe this old-fashioned way of doing dishes is actually better in a different way than modern conveniences provide. We all want our lives to be less hectic and still full and crave more family time. Technology has created incredible ways for us to streamline our housekeeping chores, but it has also isolated us from one another. Have you ever tried to load a dishwasher with someone else at the same time? It seems one of you is always in the other’s way. It’s more of a one-person job.

As I finished drying the plates, my husband said he could do the electrical and plumbing work for a dishwasher himself since wouldn’t be starting back to his civilian job for a few weeks. The thought was intriguing, but meant we wouldn’t need to do the dishes together anymore. I’d gotten accustomed to our daily time together doing dishes and leisurely talking about our days and plans for tomorrow. The boys never seemed to interrupt us either, probably because they were afraid we’d ask them to help.

So, I offered, “Maybe we don’t need a dishwasher.”

He just smiled and said, “Works for me if it works for you.”

Occasionally, I still do dishes and my husband reminds me I can leave them for him to do in the morning. I just smile and say “No problem. There’s just a few.”