Winter Wonders

December in Iowa this year is typically snow, snow, and more snow. Here in eastern Iowa, we got about 8” earlier in the week and about 3-4" more yesterday. Although I wouldn’t trade our winter country vista for anything, it’s fortunate that snow is so beautiful or we wouldn’t put up with this weather. With my husband away in Iraq, clearing the lane defaults to me, which I wasn’t looking forward to as our skid loader is tricky to start these days sporting a broken choke wire.

I was working myself up to the snow-clearing task when a neighbor and friend down the road called to see if we wanted our lane cleared. They have a boy my oldest son’s age in school and I graciously agreed it would be a wonderful treat! It reminded me of the movie It's a Wonderful Life at the end where George gets a Bible from his angel Clarence with the inscription, "Remember, no man is a failure who has friends!"

Without friends to enjoy life’s breathtaking and miserable moments, our existence would be unbearably mundane and lonely. Sharing work lightens the load and sharing a joy or a giggle makes it all the more enjoyable. So, yesterday watching the second snowfall this week, I baked some Christmas goodies (cookies, pumpkin bread, and apple butter) to share with friends and family. If you’re fortunate enough also to be friends with all your family, it’s wondrous (because we all know being family doesn’t mean you’re always nice to one another).

The first delivery I make will be close to home…just down the road to thank some good friends for their endearing kindness. I would get too weepy explaining how much the simple act of clearing our lane meant to me (especially this holiday season with my husband away), so I hope my homemade goodies will humbly show my appreciation well enough.

If the Fates Allow

Christmas magic is all around, but this year doesn’t feel quite the same with daddy away in Iraq. He says it will be, “just another day” as it will be here at home for us too. The feeling reminds me of my favorite Christmas movie Meet Me in St. Louis. Yea, it’s not a typical holiday flick, but the main dramatic scenes take place at Christmastime with Judy Garland singing that marvelous holiday tune Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

The movie was released in 1944 during World War II and the song had special meaning for audiences then missing loved ones away serving their country. That endearing theme always tugs at my heat-strings each time I see it, especially this year feeling melancholy for the warmth of an old-fashioned, family Christmas.

Just getting by day-by-day is tough when you are counting the hours and being separated by war and many oceans will truly tell if two souls are made for one another. Oh, the irony of the familiar routines we all too often take for granted like snuggling, kisses, and handholding. As the song goes, “Someday soon we all will be together…if the fates allow.” For this Christmas season, we’ll don our holiday faces and get by all right even if our hearts aren’t quite as merry.

Our only wish this Christmas is that daddy returns home safe. Each night we dream of his homecoming and the first breathtaking glimpse of him walking towards us in the airport. That look, the first glance that makes our hearts leap, is worth all the waiting.

Frozen Folly

Living on a farm is so beautiful in the winter with the white landscape stretching to infinity. The scene didn’t seem quite as picturesque this morning, though, when my routine check of the cattle’s automatic waterer revealed it was empty (and thus frozen somewhere). Typically, this daily review takes just a few seconds and I briefly thought of skipping it this morning until I saw two of our cows lingering by the waterer and I knew something was amiss.

So, I went over to verify the thing was frozen (which it was) and then plodded to the house for a bucket of hot water to thaw the icy obstruction. When my hot water technique failed to remedy the problem, I called our hired hand to see if he could come out and investigate. He suggested leaving a bucket of water out for the cows and assured me I could go to work and he’d call me later with an update.

While running buckets of water to the cows (there were many as the black one was quite thirsty), I heard the water flowing into the automatic tank after the tan cow had drained the warm water. I called our hired man back to let him know the problem had been fixed. Driving into work, I felt good I’d been able to handle things alone in spite of the frosty 14° temperature. I hadn’t even minded when the cows began sticking their noses into my backside trying to find out what I was doing. I just had to check my butt for cow slime before going into the office.

Obstacles are presented, undoubtedly, to test us and provide opportunities to grow even though at the time, frustration can impede our ability to see the lesson. Embracing complications makes the simple things like the first season’s snowfall or a working automatic waterer feel blessed. Open your eyes and find the blessings all around you like piles of laundry and dirty dishes because it means you have many loved ones to share your life! Don a smile and hum a song while doing those dishes and take breaks to hug your family or just sit in the same room and enjoy their company. It’s the little moments in life that take our breath away so, make sure you’re watching for them!

The Good Stuff: great gifts on the cheap!

The holidays can be daunting when you have to find gifts that fit your budget when you’re low on cash and short on ideas. Growing up in a frugal family never meant we didn’t have fun at Christmas, though. My mom, the master seamstress, would use fabric scraps to fashion baby doll and Barbie clothes for my sister and I. She’d sew all year and at Christmas, our dolls would get new wardrobes and were the best dressed around! How I wish we’d saved some of those precious doll clothes that were so amazing, but back then it just seemed normal. Of course, this was long-before doll fashions were readily available. If you happen to be handy with a sewing machine, it’s a great, inexpensive way to make presents!

Homemade gifts are special because they are made with love and one-of-a-kind. Very few gifts still give you warm fuzzies years later as those someone crafted just for you! I think of all the hours my mom must have spent making those tiny, little doll clothes. Much time, re-doing, and fitting must have been required and all under covert operation as I don’t ever recall seeing her make them. These memories are truly The Good Stuff in life.

So, if you’re searching through couch cushions to find extra cash this year to get presents, don’t fret about it, just try one of the ideas in my Penny Pincher's Gift Guide, below. If you’re handy with sewing, knitting, scrapbooking, woodworking, or another artistic endeavor, use your talents to make something personal and one-of-a-kind special. But, KEEP IT SIMPLE so you can finish the project and don’t end up running to the mall when Christmas comes and your grandiose ideas fail to materialize.

Penny Pincher’s Gift Guide:

A Great Read
Give a copy of a favorite book you’ve read (a new release or a classic) as a gift with a hand-written note in the front explaining why you think that person will enjoy it with your Holiday wishes. It’s personal and inexpensive. If you need help locating a book, try: Amazon Books.

Magazine subscription
Everyone has a favorite pastime or hobby and giving a subscription to a publication that feeds their frenzy will be enjoyed throughout the year. You can purchase a newsstand copy of the latest issue to wrap with a hand-written holiday note to give it a personal touch. You can browse for ideas at Amazon’s magazine section by category: Amazon Magazines.

Personalized Calendar
This is a great one if you’re stumped for what to get parents and/or in-laws. Collect some cherished family photos (the larger the better, but don’t worry if they’re not perfect quality as that can be touched up or left as is for age-old charm), then and take them to a copy store like FedEx Kinko’s where they can make a personalized calendar using your photos. Then your parents/in-laws can enjoy the memories (again) all year!

Make a gift
Homemade gifts are great IF you have the time to make them, right? Well, here are a few frugal ideas you can make in a hurry:

Hot Chocolate Cones
To put a twist on this classic winter treat, create your own hot chocolate mixes to store in clear, plastic (frosting) piping bags - the disposable kind that come several to a package. When you’re done, the package ends up looking like an ice cream cone! Put several Hot Chocolate Cones together in basket, wrap with cellophane, and tie with a festive ribbon.

--Layer cocoa in first (store-bought envelopes are the fastest and easiest).

--Add marshmallows.

--Top with chocolate chips and/or crushed peppermint candies.

--Tie the top with a ribbon, and voilà!

Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix
Homemade cookies are the best, but who has the time to gather all the ingredients (including a trip to the store for stuff you don’t have on hand) and whip them together after a long, taxing day with the kids or at work? For the cookie-lovers on your list, make these simple mixes to store in a quart-sized Mason jar wrapped with a pretty bow and personalized holiday card.

--Layer 1 cup choclate chips on the bottom. Tap jar to level/settle the chips.

--In a bowl, combine 2 c. flour, 1/2 tsp. baking powder & 1/2 tsp. salt.
Layer the mixture on top of the chocolate.

--Add 3/4 c. chopped walnuts or pecans (skip this for the nut-less variety).

--Layer 3/4 cup of firmly packed brown sugar on top.

--Seal the jar and tie it with a ribbon and attach this simple recipe:

Preheat oven to 350°. Have ready two nonstick baking sheets. Using a mixer or wooden spoon, cream together 3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) softened butter with the brown sugar in the jar. Add 2 eggs, mixing them in one at a time. Add 1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract and blend. Add remaining ingredients from the jar and mix just until all the flour is absorbed. Use 2 tablespoons of dough for each cookie spacing an inch apart. Make until golden brown. Cool on wire racks. Makes 24 cookies.

Want More Homemade Gift Recipes?
Check out the Betty Crocker website for more ideas at: Betty Crocker Gift Giving.

The Thrill of the Hunt?

Black Friday (aka the Friday after Thanksgiving) is less than a week away. I myself stay as far away from the stores on this particular day as possible given my aversion to crowds and shopping in general. It’s not that I don’t like to buy things, rather the whole “retail environment” seems very unfriendly to me. The overcrowded shelves and isles barely big enough for a person to navigate (much less a person with a cart) are anything but inviting. Getting too close to most shelves sends scads of products tumbling to the floor with dozens more teetering on the edge just waiting to be hoisted into an awaiting shopping cart. Lately, I’ve wondered if stores position products too close to the shelf edge purposely to lure unsuspecting customers into knocking them onto the floor and being forced to examine the item(s) and perhaps take them home.

My sister, on the other hand, loves the adventure of shopping on Black Friday. An otherwise demure and lovely person, she transforms into a tiger relishing the thrill of the hunt for the best and most-sought-after items. Like the other hungry hunters, she dresses light and maps out her route using the newspaper ads to devise her shopping strategy. Admittedly, I have not seen her in action, but listening to her describe the adrenaline rush was eerily familiar. These tiger-like shoppers are precisely the reason I cannot venture past my own backyard even for a gallon of milk or loaf of bread on Black Friday.

I suspect the waning economy will have a pacifying affect on shoppers this year with fewer people rushing to buy, buy, buy. Perhaps more of them, like me, will shop online or play the “waiting game” to see just how low stores are willing to price things to make end-of-year sales. Hopefully, this year stores will re-evaluate their environment to make the atmosphere more appealing to buyers. Can we bring back the soothing music, store demonstrations, and retrain some of those stock people to run a cash register for goodness sake!

If you happen to be working in the retail trenches on Black Friday, I will keep you in my prayers and hope you take plenty of aspirin with you.

Being Thankful

Giving thanks is customary this time of year with Americans devoting an entire holiday to the concept of thankfulness. Traditionally, the idea stems from being grateful for an ample harvest to survive the coming winter, but nowadays the message has much to do with family and appreciating life’s many other gifts. This year being separated from my husband has me contemplating the basic blessings of freedom and choice. We often go days, weeks, and years without giving a second’s thought to what these freedoms really cost, but this year I plan to do better.

To that end, I have decided to list the things I am thankful for this year. Some are profound and others are frivolous, but isn’t that what makes life unique and interesting? I hope you will write down your own list of things for which you are grateful this year and keep it visible (like on the fridge) to remind you of what truly matters in your life. Below is my own list to give you ideas on how to get started:

This year, I am thankful for:

• My beloved husband who makes my heart race when I see him and hurt when we’re apart.
  
• Funny, intelligent, loving boys to make life rich and full of energy.
  
• A warm, comfortable home to escape the stresses of the outside world.
  
• The unconditional love of a dog to comfort me when I’m alone or can’t sleep at night.
  
• Crossword puzzles to keep my mind occupied in waiting rooms and during endless meetings.
  
• Cell phones to keep connected to family and friends anywhere, anytime.
  
• The invigorating power of coffee to jolt me to life in the mornings (how else would I ever get to work on time).
  
• Flannel sheets to warm my body (especially my feet) on cold winter nights.
  
• Big screen televisions that make watching Sunday afternoon football even more exciting.
  
• The amazing power of the Internet that allows me to “talk” to my husband in Iraq every day. How wonderful, indeed!

Walking the Dog

Walking around the farm in fall with our dog, Lucky, is such a divine experience taking in the crisp air hearing my feet crunch on blankets of leaves. The grove of trees at the end of our lane has a clearing in the center with several large boulders placed there, no doubt, by a previous farmer who hauled them from a field. Over time I have cleared the dead trees and foliage so it serves as a kind of shrine to nature. I like to sit perched on a big boulder surrounded by the sounds of birds and various creatures scurrying amongst the leaves and downed branches.

Of course this time of year, there is also the sound of grain dryers from neighboring farms prepping their crops for storage or sale. Our dog and cats become feisty as the temperatures drop always wanting to run here and there jumping and leaping like crazy. It must be the way they get their blood pumping to keep themselves warm, I suppose, but the scene is somewhat cartoonish. In the mornings before work as I walk the sidewalk from the house to the barn, the dog leaps at me with his front paws poised like a boxer sparring in a ring. This particular tendency may be Lucky’s way of showing that he misses Daddy, too, as my husband would always play-fight with him on his way to the car before work. I haven’t found a way to tell Lucky that Daddy’s in Iraq and can’t play with him until summer when he gets home.

With so much to do around the farm, I haven’t kept my bird feeders full of seed as I typically do and I find myself missing their jovial presence in the front yard. Now that fall is here and we have the end-of-season chores finished, perhaps I should get more of my feathered friends’ favorite seeds and fill up their bird bath. The weather here as has been unseasonably warm for this time of year and I hadn’t noticed until recently that the migration patterns haven’t quite kicked into full gear yet. I have spied a few flocks heading southward, but the geese haven’t arrived in our fields yet as they traditionally do by now. You can’t see the geese, but you can hear them especially when Lucky gets a wild hair and takes off in their direction and they take off en-masse. That’s just Lucky protecting his turf and I’m glad he’s here to keep watch and sound the alarm when anything moves.

Alien Invasion

Somehow, I thought this deployment would be easier given that we’ve been through the experience before and know what to expect. As usual, life proved just as unpredictable as ever when it comes to human emotions. A few weeks ago, I began having what my doctor called “panic attacks,” but for me it was as if an explosion went off inside my body with the racing heart, profuse sweating, and frantic thoughts.

Confused and unnerved, I opted to take a break from work and started driving around town in my car crying and trying to figure out how to expel the demons. In retrospect, the scene is quite amusing but in the thick of the moment, these sudden emotions felt like an alien invasion bent on destruction. The only other times I’ve had episodes like these involved trying to shop at Wal-mart in rush hour. Yet unlike shopping, I couldn’t just leave my cart and exit the store to drive home to escape the anxiety. This particular panic episode would require another solution.

Ironically, the movie Aliens was on TV recently and watching it was surreal…especially the alien-bursting-from-the-chest nightmares that Sigourney Weaver’s character has throughout the movie. It made me wonder if the writer(s) of the original Alien story experienced panic attacks and decided to make up a story about what it would feel like to have one. Speaking from experience, I think they got it exactly right. Your fears and anxieties hunt you down and when they catch you, they don't kill you, but instead implant the evil seeds of panic in the pit of your stomach. Eventually, the panic rises up and can feel like it will burst through your chest and kill you instantly.

After a while, it became clear the aliens weren’t going to leave me on their own accord. I would need some type of exorcist to help me out on this one. Not being catholic and unaware of any local, practicing exorcists, I opted for some counseling/therapy and a trip to my doctor. I can’t say it has been a miracle cure, but slowly day-by-day and week-by-week I have started to feel good again. Being able finally to get good, quality sleep has transformed me, shockingly, into a morning person. OK, I’m not a member of the Perky Morning Crowd, but getting up in the mornings definitely has become easier and even (dare I say) enjoyable.

Cornucopia of Colors

October is my favorite time of year with the landscape transforming before our eyes as the foliage assumes its annual cornucopia of colors. Each day brings a new view as nearby farmers combine their fields from dawn until way past dusk. Tractors and wagons full of grain sit waiting for transport to market. The scene is one that has been played out for generations and, at times, it can be hard to tell exactly which decade we are in as most small farmers have older equipment because it works, is easily repaired, and “paid for.”

We have an old Allis Chalmers 1945 WD tractor that we consider the workhorse of our farm. We use it to move bales, till up gardens and fields, and even to pull sleds in the winter. A few years ago, my husband bought a gallon of orange paint hoping to fix up his "baby," but that paint still sits unopened on a barn shelf. I actually prefer the current well-worn patina and love using discarded farm machinery and implements as cherished ornaments in my landscape. They have a history and interest each with its own story to tell.

The current economy certainly has most people using things longer and fixing up the old rather than buying new. This concept is well-known to most country folk as life here is slower and less prone to things trendy and fancy. Everyone chooses their lifestyle and that choice says something about you. Our lifestyle probably says simple, quiet, and peaceful. Home should be a haven to escape life’s stresses as well as a place to share with family and friends.

If you were to visit our home, you’d find a long lane with an acre of prairie grass and wildflowers near a line of cottonwood and sugar maple trees. There are various evergreens, a big weeping willow, apple trees, and tall maples in the front yard surrounding our front porch (which is wall-to-wall windows to enjoy the view without mosquitoes). Our dinnerware consists of mismatched utensils, black and white enamelware plates, and mason jars for drinking.

The mason jars didn’t happen on purpose, really, but evolved when our other glasses broke one-by-one and we were short on glassware. I substituted mason jars here and there and we drink from them exclusively now. Fittingly, the mason jars suit our simple, country lifestyle much like that old, (sort of) orange ’45 WD tractor. If you happen to see my husband out on his baby in the field, ask him if he ever plans to restore that old tractor.

Everyday Moments

With my husband deployed for the next several months in Iraq, I am having trouble restraining my compulsive re-decorating habit. I would re-arrange things daily or weekly if it didn’t irritate my family so much to come home to strange surroundings. Understanding their point of view, I am trying to curb my “hobby” by limiting it to accessories and a thorough editing of our clutter. I used feel rather self-critical about this habit until recently when, courtesy of the internet, I discovered scads of folk who share my pension for compulsive re-arranging. Alas, people who understand me!

After reading countless blogs and self-help articles, I have determined this tendency appears to be more about emotional clutter than it does physical clutter. As odd as that sounds, it makes total sense to me given that I often “clean” or “rearrange” stuff when I’m upset about something. A physical cleansing of my environment helps me work through whatever is bothering me. When I’m finished, both my mind and my house are clear.

From my point of view, cleaning and rearranging is a healthy way to deal with excess energy or anxiety compared to habits like smoking or drugs. The fact that there isn’t an organization called Re-arranger’s Anonymous seems proof enough to me that this activity doesn’t warrant a trip to therapy. No one thinks you need help if you run five miles a day to relieve stress (unless you’re anorexic, of course). Still, I suppose moderation is the key to gauging when something is getting out of control.

But if you have to moderate yourself all the time life becomes exhausting, doesn’t it? When did we become so concerned with fixing every little thing that we stopped living life? Norman Rockwell elevated the joy of everyday life in his artwork with an emotional and timeless quality that always makes me smile when I come across his work. At the end of a busy week, I find myself longing for more Norman Rockwell moments in my own life even though they’re right in front of me if I take the time to look.

So with the sounds of the washing machine and the dishwasher humming a chorus in the background, I stop and listen to the world around me. The crickets are chirping as they often do on cool fall evenings here in the country with an occasional loud croak of a frog here and there. My computer’s low whir and clicking keys make for an unusual, but none the less interesting orchestral accompaniment. My desk is littered with Starburst candy wrappers and an empty Diet Coke bottle, which I will undoubtedly pick up before retiring to bed for the evening. Not the Norman Rockwell image I was hoping for, but it is my own wonderfully flawed life at this very moment. Now if I can just resist the urge to put away those dirty dishes in the sink, I might be onto something.

In the Moment

I’m savoring every minute with my husband here on vacation with him in Ft. Rucker, Alabama as he trains to deploy for Iraq soon. Having been here a week with another week remaining, I have finally adjusted well-enough to the incredible heat and humidity that is common here this time of year. The horrible heat is surpassed only by the aggravating driving habits of the rural inhabitants of the surrounding towns and countryside.

We drove to a beach resort on the Florida panhandle this weekend to do some sunning and swimming. We enjoyed the local scenery and food, but although the seafood was obviously the freshest I’ve tasted, I still prefer the Red Lobster in Dothan, AL where we ate my first day here. I’m not sure if it was the thrill of dining alone with my husband or that the food there was so much better, but it tasted as heavenly as any seafood I’ve ever eaten. Although we’ve patronized many restaurants here thus far, I still want to go back to that Red Lobster for more of their cheesy seafood fondue, shrimp scampi, and coconut shrimp. Yet, Joe's Crab Shack in Destin, Florida was hands-down the most entertaining restaurant I've ever seen with their singing/dancing waitstaff that are so lively the crowd often even gets into the act.

We managed to see a couple of movies over the weekend that were both terrible. We watched “Brokeback Mountain” in the hotel room one night and back in Ft. Rucker on Sunday evening, we saw “The Happening.” They both had decent-enough plotlines that engrossed us sufficiently to wait for “the good part” to begin, but we were quite disappointed in them both. At one point during “Brokeback Mountain,” I suggested we turn off the TV and just go to sleep but my husband, who had awoken from a nap halfway through, said he wanted to see how it ended. So, we finished it only to be stumped by the pointless, nonsensical ending. We left the theater wondering if our luck in picking movies was turning sour, but the new “X-Files” movie is due out this week and we’ve both been eager to see it. We can only hope it will be more entertaining than the last two movie experiences have been.

This life of leisure I’ve been enjoying during my visit has filled my soul with warm memories that will be wonderful to revisit when my husband is off across the pond (i.e., in Iraq). Still, I do miss our farm, home, and animals. I picked up a book titled “Watchers” by Dean Koontz and enjoyed it thoroughly. One of the main characters is an intelligent golden retriever named Einstein that so reminded me of our dog, Lucky. Reading through its pages made me feel I was enjoying the dog’s company just as if I had Lucky beside me. It also made me realize my instincts about getting Lucky a mate are right on target because all species want someone with which to share their lives.

This week, I plan to visit the Ft. Rucker pool often and picked up a couple more Dean Koontz books at the local Wal-mart to read poolside. The base has a nice recreational pool and another lap pool. I have wanted to go to the lap pool to exercise, but somehow haven’t made it there yet. I’m guessing the locals fortunate enough to have their own backyard pools use them for exercise as much as recreation as I haven’t seen many outdoor joggers/runners here. Must not be many bookworms either as bookstores are nowhere to be found but, ironically, cosmetic dental surgeons are everywhere.

Mind Games

Today has been a frustrating day with my laptop computer not connecting to my husband’s cable modem in his room at Fort Rucker, Alabama where he’s stationed for a few more weeks until he’s deployed to Iraq. As I am temporarily out of work due to the destructive flooding in our area, I opted to visit my husband for a couple of weeks knowing I could take my work with me on my laptop. Unfortunately, that hasn’t worked out as I’d hoped. Life’s frustrations seem to have found me all the way down here in lower Alabama despite my best attempts to escape.

In muddling things over, I notice the sum of the numbers in today’s date is 23, which my oldest son would say is the reason for my misfortune. Lately, my son subscribes to this theory about the number 23 as this dark force that imparts negative energy into situations and people. So per his theory, it’s just a temporary force that will pass I guess. I have learned from this book I’m reading titled Mind Wide Open by Steven Johnson that emotions and feelings are automatic signals our minds send to our body in reaction to our thoughts and experiences (like the hair on your arm standing up when you are scared). These are signals our bodies give us to warn of potential threat to prompt us to action (like running away from danger). If we determine there’s no reason to flee or change what we’re doing, then it becomes a waiting game until our bodies return to normal and the emotions/feelings pass.

The secret to waiting lies in redirecting your energy/thoughts to keep you from obsessing over the problem at hand. For me the only things that distract me successfully are gardening and writing. Although, admittedly, writing is my way of working through a problem rather than distracting me from it. Gardening, on the other hand, consumes me especially pulling weeds. Frankly, weeds piss me off and despite my many attempts to dig up crab grass roots year after year, I always seem to have just as much left betwixt my beautiful flora and fauna. Even so, I find myself grateful to these weedy denizens for the essential, therapeutic purpose they serve in my life.

Writing and gardening also provide ways for me to manage life without my soldier/husband for another deployment. When hiding in the garden deadheading and pruning plants doesn’t do the trick, I crawl in bed with my laptop and write it out. Somehow, journaling or blogging about my frustrations helps me regain focus on the bigger picture that the daily grind of life tends to obscure. My recent stint as the Family Readiness Coordinator for my husband’s National Guard unit has also helped me to focus on helping other families with deployed soldiers. This experience has helped me realize that dealing with deployment is nearly impossible to do on your own…you need comrades (or a close-knit group of people in the same situation that you are in) to help you navigate the tormented seas of deployment and perhaps even become a stronger person in the process.

Someday

All my life I have lived under the guise of working hard today to save for someday. Instead, I am praying my beloved husband makes it through the next 12 months of National Guard duty in Ballad, Iraq. Just weeks ago, he put in for retirement having served 23+ years in the Guard; we anxiously anticipated him attending all our boys sports games without drill weekend conflicts. He’d packed his Guard gear to turn in at his next (and hopefully last) drill weekend. It was then he was notified he would likely be going to Iraq for a year and retirement had to wait.

Instead of planning our August Arkansas vacation, we were thrust into deployment preparations. Much is left unsaid at such times as it’s better if you don’t discuss the things your soldier will miss. Suddenly the high cost of gas and how to pay for three sets of braces didn’t matter at all. Overnight the future had morphed into a nebulous fog obscuring everything around us.

Each minute, hour, and day of his last week before departure we spent at home together doing regular family things. My husband and I both took vacation to be home with the kids and complete maintenance chores to last us through the next year. We floated through those days effortlessly like subjects in a Norman Rockwell painting. We hope to have many more somedays like these when daddy comes home for good.

No Place Like Home

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"If somehow we can show our children that the work we do together to improve/ maintain our home is personally satisfying as well as fun and productive, it will give them a lifelong sense of purpose to create their own perfect homesteads one day."

_______________________________

The view from our front porch this morning is heavenly with the windows cracked a bit letting in sounds of songbirds and roosters along with the wind through the trees and a hint of rain. The freshly mown grass is a lush green carpet set off by several loads of new rock on the lane. The image is breathtaking in a simple, natural way. My husband left this morning to pick up two of our boys from a Saturday sleepover and we have today and tomorrow to spend together as a family. I want to take some video footage of the boys and compile it into a movie to send to my husband after he leaves for National Guard duty in Iraq next month.

We will be working on the interior of the front porch for the next few days putting in some insulation in the walls, installing the soffit ceiling, putting in electrical for lights/switches/outlets, and finally putting up the white bead-board paneling to finish it off. Anticipating the final product is exciting and although the floors need finished yet, we can already see the serene setting vividly in our minds. Another coat of porch paint and a nice grass-made area rug should finish off the floor nicely until we can tile/carpet it as we’d like in another year or so.

I am thinking of making some rocking chair covers to tie on the back and seat of each chair made of the same black/cream toile fabric I used on the kitchen window treatments. I’m not certain I have enough leftover, but I know where to get more and how to treat the fabric to be stain and water-resistant! I know that our design and implementation of this front porch/mudroom/garden room is nearly complete and I’m almost giddy with anticipation to see the finished product. As I sit here and contemplate the finished walls, it occurs to me that perhaps we should use the same siding we have on the house to finish the inside of the porch to give it a more cohesive look with the result of the house. It would make the transition seamless as if it was designed this way from the beginning rather than added on later. Maybe it’s a good thing our local home improvement store was out of the bead-board paneling anyway.

Every enhancement we make to our home and farm provides more peace, refuge, and strength. Undoubtedly, our sanctuary will prove invaluable during the next year with pieces of our entire family evident in the walls, trees, flowers, prairie grass, and even our two mama cows (Mamie and Ellie) and the baby calf (Dinky). If somehow we can show our children that the work we do together to improve/ maintain our home is personally satisfying as well as fun and productive, it will give them a lifelong sense of purpose to create their own perfect homesteads one day. The memories we are making will help sustain me through the inevitable loneliness that will occur in the months to come with “daddy” away.

At least with this deployment, we know what to expect and how we will get along so that makes the preparation time more productive. We can easily target the things we know we’ll need to get current with farm implement and vehicle maintenance. About a month ago, we sold some cattle and returned the old bull to his owner (my brother-in-law), so the few cows we have now are easy to manage. The updates we’ve made to the inside of our home over the last year with new flooring and carpet throughout, a new roof, dishwasher, microwave hood, and high-efficiency washer mean those things are handled and provide a certain sense of security. Things like fixing a water leak in an old hydrant and installing a new hydrant inside the machine shed are the last few items left for farm maintenance.

In retrospect, we have been preparing for a possible deployment for some time, really, knowing that we can’t afford the luxury of putting off anything with the threat of deployment ever lingering. The valuable three years I spent writing and being a full-time mom provided a healing sabbatical for my over-taxed soul, which has been replenished with inner-peace and strength to appreciate the wonderful family and life that we have built together. It’s not that I didn’t realize these things before; it’s just that I allowed life’s daily grind to erode my energies and desires until there was nothing left of me. I learned how to govern the elements of my life and stop allowing those things to rule me.

There’s no real magic in doing this, it just takes practice to respect your time/energy like precious jewels that shouldn’t be dolled out like candy to anyone who screams for a handout. So often, we yield to the screamers because we just want them to go away and giving in can seem like the easiest solution. It takes time for the screamers to adapt to your new life-management techniques, but they will learn if they want to get something from you. They will learn that what triggers your attention is no longer just loud banter but substance and priorities. Eventually, they may go to another person to get what they want and, perhaps, that’s just as well if your priorities do not line up with theirs.

If, indeed, preparation is half the battle, we will be ready to face the coming months with confidence during daddy’s deployment. My husband can feel satisfied and relieved that we are able to man the home front while he’s away until the day he can return to the place Dorothy Gale in The Wizard of Oz refers to as, “There’s no place like home!”

Getting from Chaos to Contentment

Everyone longs for a quiet moment to ease his or her shattered nerves and regain energy to keep going. Spring is a remarkable time of year giving us renewed hope with a 10-minute walk outside smelling the grass and drinking in the wonder of nature. The smell of spring is its own natural stress reliever. Nature gives us all we need if we only stop to enjoy it. We try to do so much more every day, but end up feeling as if we have done less than we’d hoped. If less is more then perhaps we are numbing ourselves by trying to do more and more thus over-saturating our minds/bodies just to keep pace.

I believe what separates the successful/content people from the chaotic/unhappy ones is the ability to reflect on our actions regularly to distinguish what works well (the keepers) from the crap that drags us down (the trash). My keepers are: (1) family, (2) home/farm/land, (3) self/inner peace & well-being, (4) extended family and friends, (5) then work. The more I stick to the keepers the less time I have to let the trash enter my life. As I mentally organize and maintain order in my life according to these purposes, I recognize how to better help those I love gain the peace and happiness they need to navigate their own land of chaos.

While sorting through my desk recently, I rediscovered a provocative commentary by Leonard Pitts, Jr. of the Miami Herald about Jimmy Carter’s real legacy. Leonard thanked Carter for saving his sanity and was titled Where is the Morality in Bush’s Policy? It recalled that Jesus was a humble, compassionate soul and wondered where our saints are today. Present-day humanitarians, like Jimmy Carter, who preach and live the biblical values of inclusion, service, humility, sacrifice are too busy building houses for poor people to persuade our public officials to make changes to the social service systems in our country (or perhaps our officials don’t care to listen to the message). The article ends with the author pondering if he shouldn’t be helping build those houses too. Funny how the people who are best qualified to lead our country are never, or rarely, the ones picked for the job. Guess Jimmy Carter was truly one of a kind. Jesus would be proud.

Some Keepers to take with you:

1. Your degree of happiness is very closely tied to the quality of the relationships in your life (including your relationship with yourself).
   
2. You owe it to yourself to have a great home life and rich friendships with a wide range of people about whom you care deeply.
   
3. Network extensively and foster good relationships with people of influence in all areas of your life.
   
4. “In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” - Albert Einstein.

Waiting, Waiting, & Waiting for Spring

Following the typical Iowa tradition of, “...wait five minutes and the weather will change” a reluctant, timid spring is being overshadowed by a stubborn winter, who is acting like the guest that won’t leave. These two seasons have been in a head-to-head battle with spring heavily favored, but winter ensuring it’s a fight to the finish. Today, for instance, instead of green shoots of grass and bulbs popping their heads from beneath brown patches of lawn, we are given more snow...yes, snow.

The folks around here just shake their heads and comment that we’ve had plenty of unusually warm winters and we were due for a bad one. OK, we had the bad stuff and hunted Easter eggs in the snow; can we have warm air and sunshine already?

This weather has me feeling like Charlie Brown trying to kick the football just when Lucy pulls it away and he lands flat on his back...ARGHHHHHHH!

Inside one kitchen window, newly started Cosmos seedlings offer the only visible evidence of rejuvenation here. Given that indoor blooms are all I may see for a while, I went ahead and started some Zinnia seeds as well. Outside another kitchen window, birds of all types eagerly devour the birdseed I keep stocked for them. The only new flyers I’ve seen lately are young goldfinches who seem to be wondering, like me, what happened to spring.

Yesterday, despite having a miserable head cold, I wandered outside to collect litter around our homestead leftover from the great snow melt. Most of the old snow has melted with just one leftover mass in the front along the driveway that is languishing. The basement in our garden shed out back has been regularly accumulating water, putting our new larger sump pump to good use. Although obsessing about the weather is futile, I still find myself checking various weather sources daily hoping to find a spring-friendly forecast. Tomorrow and the weekend are to be warmer and dry. Next week offers another chance for, you guessed it, snow.

Why is it the older I get, the more I believe birds are the wisest of all creatures? They fly south as the temperatures fall to avoid Iowa’s schizophrenic winter climate. Some day I’d like to be reincarnated as a bird able to wander where and when I please. I could make a temporary home wherever I fancy with a front row seat to the best flower shows in the country – all free. I would tease cats and sing aloud all I wanted even if I'm off key.

The Cheapskate Chronicles for Going Green

If you know a farmer, they are savers and re-users and even though we're hobby farmers, we are frugal folk in kind. Hopefully someday we can live off our land completely even if it takes us until retirement. In today’s world of gigantic supermarkets with food shipped from who knows where, the idea of living off the fruits of your own land is rare indeed. Somehow, this goal feels as organic and natural to us as using indoor plants as air filters in our house: they give off oxygen and clean the air and we give off carbon dioxide for them in perfect collaboration.

The latest Green Movement is everywhere you look nowadays and it is a good thing for the planet. Perhaps we have Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth movie to thank for the widespread adoption of this movement touting the ills of global warming and begging Americans to change their ways. Despite the disappointing fact that he uses a considerable amount of electricity in his own LARGE home, his message to clean up our act to ensure a better future for our kids is an important one.

Farmers and country folk have always seemed more thrifty and prone to recycling than the general population simply because they don’t make a lot of money and reusing and repurposing are essential. Living several miles from town and high gas prices have encouraged me to be even more creative in salvaging everything I can from what I already have. One less trip to town means more time, money, and effort I can spend on more essential things like making dinner for my family (even if that dinner consists of a smorgasbord of whatever we had in the cupboard that day). Paper towels are an extravagance in our home because I always feel guilty buying them despite their very practical ability to prevent hardened goop from forming on the bottom of the microwave. Still, I have high hopes of finally getting my kids to remember to put a plate underneath their food before nuking it.

There are some green trends we’ve adopted for health reasons like using readily available, non-toxic household cleaners and a vacuum cleaner with allergen filters, whereas other minor changes are for cost savings like replacing all our traditional filament light bulbs with compact fluorescent ones. Adding on a front porch last year surprisingly reduced our electricity bills by preventing very cold and hot air from entering our house (meaning less furnace and air conditioning needs). Adjusting our comfort levels by lowering the thermostat in winter (we keep it at 65 degrees during the day and 63 at night) and raising it in the summer (we keep it at 78) have helped us save on gas and electricity consumption even more – and lower bills make me very happy indeed! Keeping blankets around the house in winter and using ceiling fans in summer help keep the chills and sweats at bay. In the winter, I make dinner in the oven a lot and in the summer, I don’t, as we prefer to grill outdoors anyway. Adjusting our habits a little at a time has made a significant difference in our carbon footprint.

Another waste saving trick I use involves giving old leftovers in the refrigerator to our farm dog, Lucky, who happily eats anything you put in his bowl (with the exception of lettuce). I realize people food isn’t necessarily good for all pets, but our dog and cats are always happy to get extra treats and their digestive systems have not suffered, so I figure it’s a good way to keep the leftovers out of the trash. Leaves and pruned plant remnants go in the compost pile(s) I have along the back fence behind our house where the trees and bushes there flourish more each year. I do keep pulled weeds separate, as I don’t want their “seeds” corrupting my gardens any more than necessary.

So if going green seems too complicated, just start with one thing like your thermostat or waiting to run your dishwasher or washer until you have a full load. Those basic things will help you save energy and money. Once you get a taste of the frugal life, you’ll be hooked and opportunities to save money/energy will be everywhere you look. One day soon, you might even be proud to consider yourself a cheapskate (but tell your friends you’ve gone green if that feels better).

Alternate Route

Today my horoscope advised me to Find an Alternate Route to a problem and it was advice I immediately knew I needed. My present ordeal has me anxiously trying to detach myself from my teenage son’s schoolwork issues, which is especially hard for me since he’s my first born. The situation begs me to wonder why, as parents, we have such definite aspirations for our children when they themselves don’t even know what they want.

I can definitely see why raising a teenage is dubbed the most difficult phase of child rearing. They are becoming their own person with adult bodies, emotions, and convictions that are all new and exciting but unfamiliar and quite overwhelming. As teens ourselves, we didn’t feel our parents understood us and now as parents, we find ourselves wishing our teens could recognize that we remember all too well the joys and pains of adolescence. But, recognizing your own parents’ wisdom seems to be a life lesson that takes many decades to fully appreciate.

The protecting nature of a parent can be overwhelming at times despite knowing your children must find some things out for themselves because the lesson is a direct result of the pain they endure in the process. Like touching a stove, you could do everything possible to avoid the burn, but once they feel the pain, it is not forgotten and can really only be learned one way. Parents not only feel the pain along with their children, they have the added “bonus” of experiencing the additional intensity that anticipation brings.

Excessive Awareness

I think they should rename Attention Deficit to something more suitable like Excessive Awareness. After all, I don’t notice that I am lacking in anything, but rather I seem to notice way too many things and that’s why I can’t focus. Of course, maybe I’m the only one who thinks of stuff like that. At any rate, I have realized some key things about how I am different from most people. First, I am not a leader blazing new trails for others to follow. Secondly, I don’t really follow or wait for others to show me the way. Finally, I am more an explorer curiously traversing through life guided only by my attention-starved brain anxiously searching for this place they call “normal.” My findings have taught me some crucial lessons:

1. Life in my universe is different and that’s OK.
2. Others don’t necessary “see” the frazzled part of me that I see.
3. Therapy is a good thing.
4. Write down your goals or you will forget what they are.
5. Make a map of how you are going to meet your goals and refer to it often making smaller sub-lists daily/weekly/monthly to ensure you’re going the right way.

In the end I’ve realized that life with or without attention deficit is much like a vacation in that it’s not the destination itself that matters, but what you see and do along the way that counts.

Phase 1: Accepting that life is different in your universe.
Anyone with a physical or emotional disability can tell you life is vary different and often more challenging. Take an 18-year old boy who has survived a life-threatening car crash and is confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. Others not knowing exactly what to say to him in such a situation might say, “You’re so lucky to be alive.” Maybe he would agree and maybe he wouldn’t. But, one thing’s for sure, life for him will be much different than most. No, he likely doesn’t want pity, but he doesn’t want to be ignored or shoved in a corner and forgotten about either. He wants the same opportunities as everyone else has in life like taking airplane rides, falling in love, having a family, and so on. Initially he may feel cheated out of these things when really he just needs to revise his plan for meeting those goals.

Having a psychological disability like attention deficit or anxiety disorder similarly limits one’s path in life both in physical and intellectual ways. Although my disabilities are mental and not physical, I am encumbered by my brain's habitual thoughts and impulses nonetheless.

Phase 2: See yourself from a different point of view.
Like Alice in Wonderland, I’ve always wanted to go through the looking glass and see the world in a very different way. Well, I have learned you can do this but it takes a bit of training to get your mind to see things differently.

Phase 3: Therapists, Psychologists, and Head-Shrinkers, Oh My!
Most people in my family know I’ve had lots of therapy in my life, but if you were to ask them their opinion of therapy, they’d likely say it’s been great for me, but they personally like to solve their own problems. Well, the truth is therapy has many uses and can be just as healthy as dieting and exercise. Think of it as a kind of a "life coach" helping you meet your goals by dealing with your emotional baggage.

Phase 4: Make a plan and write it down.
Research has shown people remember things better if they write them down. Successful people often talk of writing down and reviewing their goals and updating the list as they make accomplishments. Goals don’t just have to be for careers either; they’re great for personal needs and improving your emotional wellbeing too.

Phase 5: If you want to get where you’re going, you’ll need a map.
Another trait of successful people is not only their planning skills, but also their ability to execute on their plans. To this execution is like a road map to show you how to navigate from your current location in your life to desired destination (e.g., overcome a phobia, advance your education, move along that coveted career path, improve your body with physical exercise, and ultimately feed your soul by achieving your dreams).

My own personal road map includes a travel accommodation I need for my claustrophobic condition where I always book airline reservations online so I can pick the aisle seat I want to feel less anxious. I know I’ll never be at ease in close quarters, but I’m not beyond asking someone “accidentally” sitting in my reserved aisle seat to move. Because I am uncomfortable making such requests, I often turn the situation into a joke on myself to lighten the air a bit. One time I even asked a person to move because, “I’m claustrophobic and the stewardess’ hate it when I wander around the plane during takeoff.” The person just smiled and said “sure thing” and closed his laptop and kindly moved over.

Spring Fever

I am ready for spring with its green grass, flower buds peaking from the ground, sunshine and warm afternoons. Here in Iowa, it’s still a bit early to start flower seeds indoors, but a couple of weeks ago I planted a pot of cosmos anyway and situated it on a south-facing windowsill. They give me hope spring will return even if the outlook is grim now. I couldn’t resist picking up a couple of seed packets at the local farm store recently grabbing one giant, double zinnias and some moss roses. The seeds remain in their packets on my desk promising that within a few weeks, the snow will melt and spring will begin to blossom.

Thoughts of spring remind me that this year’s abundant snowfall, undoubtedly, will make for wet ground conditions. Although we have some pasture in a “flood zone,” most of our ground is high enough to avoid any chance of flooding. However, soggy ground could put my much-anticipated spring-flowering bulbs at risk. I guess this year we’ll really find out how good our drainage patterns and systems are around here!

Lately I’ve been reading more and more about global warming’s impact on the USDA hardiness zone map. For my garden, this means I’m now a zone 5 instead of the zone 4/5 from 10 years ago. The difference from my point of view is minimal as I will likely continue planting the same things, but weather patterns like Él Niño make me wonder if things are changing more rapidly than experts can document. While it’s true every garden is different from one year to the next, I suspect my gardening methods need an overhaul to keep pace with the rapidly shifting climate.

Even though I inherited the original garden that came with the farm when we purchased it eight years ago, I have labored to expand and enhance its beauty and consider it my own creation. My “methods” are nothing more than a series of experiments to determine what works and what I like. My philosophy is that if I don’t like something or it isn’t thriving, I dig it up and try it somewhere else. The results are usually better transplanting an existing plant than bringing in a new one grown in a greenhouse (and much more economical).

Whatever the weather brings, my garden and I will work it out together just as we’ve done for the past eight years. I used to think I would get to a point with this particular hobby where I could shift into maintenance mode and coast along easily performing the necessary tasks each season. The trouble is, the tasks vary from year to year, and the process is never really the same twice. Perhaps that’s the real allure of gardening: not knowing what you will get in the end.

King of the Hill

Knowing chores come first, our boys trudge through the mountains of snow to help daddy put in a couple of large, round bales for the cattle. Their main job is to open the gate, remove the mesh netting from the bales, and then close the gate. They eagerly rush through the job with hopes of going sledding afterwards.

My husband recently started using the backhoe to move the hay bales since its large arm is more effective than the 3-point bale fork on the back of the Allis Chalmers WD tractor. With the backhoe being a relatively recent purchase for us, we have not gotten accustomed to using it as the tool of choice until lately, but this year’s extreme winter has reminded us that the larger tractor was obviously a crucial purchase for our farm.

With the bale job finished, dad moves to clearing the snow from the lane. In years past, the skid loader has worked well for this task, but it just doesn’t have the bucket capacity we need this season. As the boys wait for dad to finish clearing the lane, a game of King of the Hill has broken out atop the large piles of snow in front. Each one takes their turn at the top until they are sent tumbling down the side.

A slight pause occurs as one of the boys fusses with a bloody nose (no doubt from rough play). He refuses to rest on the front porch instead preferring to nurse the wound with a wad of paper towels standing by the others. As the cold helps the blood clot, I see him shove the paper towels in a coat pocket while charging back up the snow hill. Eventually, he treks inside for more paper towels, some dry gloves, and a sky mask. As I helped him tuck in the gloves under his coat sleeves, I felt like a boxing manager cleaning up a fighter between rounds. With a cotton-packed nose beneath his sky mask, he was off for another sparring match.

Later the boys got their wish as dad took them for a ride around the farm pulling their sleds behind the WD as they took turns being dumped and then running to hop back on their sleds. It is true that the simple pleasures are the best ones because they’re pure joy unencumbered by technology glitches. At times, I wonder if they have more fun doing the sledding or my husband driving or me watching the whole scene waiting inside with hot cocoa and camera in-hand. Either way, the scene is truly memorable for us all and keeps cabin fever at bay for a while. The radio promises another snowstorm tomorrow, but at least today is a sunny, leisurely Sunday afternoon on our snow-filled farm.

Wow snow!

Snow, snow, snow, storm warning, snow, snow, snow, blizzard conditions, snow, snow, snow… this routine has become a permanent predicament as mounds and drifts growing higher with each passing week here in Iowa. Although our cattle appear undaunted by the weather, I suspect they, too, are frustrated by the icy temperatures and arctic winds. “Snow days” have become typical with school delays and cancellations interrupting class schedules so much that we have yet to see a full week of school this semester.

You’d think Midwesterners (myself included) would be acclimated to frequent winter storms, but survival instincts do strange things to people when the forecast turns grim. Simple chores like grocery shopping become grueling as consumers become beasts hunting for food to fill their carts. How much bread and milk do we really need to get through a two-day shut-in?

Years of mild winters have spoiled us and it was inevitable that the pendulum would swing the other way. As a country gal, I have to confess that I often find myself jealous of city dwellers this time of year with their densely spaced buildings to shelter them from the wind and cold. After all, driving home in blizzard conditions is considerably different on a country road versus a city street…and having a sport utility vehicle is not an extravagance out here.

Our dog, Lucky, has even acquired a split personality lately “shivering” outside our sliding glass doors one minute (hoping to get let inside) and romping playfully in the snow the next eating mouthfuls of snow. He’s a blue heeler/husky mix, so I suspect he comes by these traits naturally. We do let him sleep indoors on frigid nights; he likes bunking with my oldest son in his large bed with ample room to stretch out.

Admittedly, a snow-covered vista is a beauty to behold on snowy and sunny days alike. The cold feeling disappears quickly once I get working outdoors scooping snow, putting hay in for the cattle, or pulling the boys on their sleds with the tractor. Filling the bird feeders becomes crucial for my feathered friends’ survival and bulk birdseed has become a staple for me along with 50-pound bags of dog and cat food. Lately, though, I’ve noticed the birds aren’t the only ones sneaking a bite out of my feeders. Squirrels have been raiding my flat, open feeders that I put out for the larger birds like cardinals and blue jays. Usually our blue heeler, Lucky, chases the squirrels off but I think the cold and deep snow have slowed his stamina much like they've reduced mine to a crawl.

Thank heavens for readily available coffee stands and travel mugs to keep me warm on my regular winter treks to town. I’m not sure I could survive this treachery if it weren’t for some formidable ally on my side. My husband has even taken to coffee, which is quite a novelty for him not being a coffee drinker. One can’t help but recall winter childhood memories during winters like this rare one. I can’t decide if the snowfalls were more plentiful then or if I was just smaller and they seemed like mountains of snow at the end of our driveway. Who doesn’t remember tunneling through snow, snowball fights, and sledding down big hills. Maybe the only real difference is that now I really feel the cold while childhood must insultate you or perhaps we were so active, we never noticed.

Wrangling Chaos: ADHD for Dummies

• Are you pulling your hair out trying to handle a spirited child or family member?
  
• Are you constantly struggling with daycare for a child whose body is always in overdrive?
  
• Are you overwhelmed by family gatherings filled with chaos and emotionally charged conversation? Are you searching for help and guidance written in plain language written by a person just like you?

If so, you have come to the right place! Our home is no stranger to chaos with 3 out of 5 people having attention deficit (ADD and AD/HD) as well as a long family history of hyperactivity and attention deficit. After years of doctors, therapy, and self-help books, I have found the following basic tips may be helpful for others struggling with similar situations.

1. Find Help – Finding a good doctor or clinic whose primary focus is children with behavior and attention deficit issues is ideal Travel to a neighboring community, if needed, and use the phone or email for questions between visits.
   
   Resource: CHADD – Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder - Founded in 1987 in response to the frustration and isolation experienced by parents and their children with AD/HD, CHADD is the nation’s leading non-profit organization serving individuals with AD/HD and their families offering support for individuals, parents, teachers, professionals, and others. www.chadd.org
   
   For online help in locating a physician in your area that diagnoses/treats ADD/ADHD, visit: http://www.help4adhd.org/en/treatment/prof.
   
   
2. Clear the Clutter – Every day do a sweep of your home, car, and office/desk to put things in their place. Clutter is extremely distracting, so put stuff away every time whenever possible. Encourage kids to store everyday items like shoes and backpacks in the same place so they can easily find them the next time. Have kids keep their room or personal area(s) picked up each day (set a regular time like after dinner or before bed). Check their work and politely point out problem areas, then re-check again. When they complete the task successfully, praise them or offer a special privilege (like 10 extra minutes of time before lights out).
   
   Insider’s Tip: Don’t leave piles of paper and unopened mail on your desk to sort through later. Use the RAFT method to keep your paperwork/mail in check: get four bins or boxes and label them: READ, ACT, FILE, and TRASH.
   
   READ – for materials to review as time allows like magazines.
   ACT – for items requiring you to do something like insurance forms.
   FILE – for reference materials you want to keep on hand like quarterly investment statements.
   TRASH – for unwanted paperwork containing personal information (like credit card offers) that you need to shred or destroy.
   
   Use the bins to sort your mail and papers daily – be diligent about doing it every day – then clean the bins out weekly. Taking a little time each day saves you lots of time months later when you have to find something or sort through the mountain of papers.
   
   Resource: Organizing Solutions for People With Attention Deficit Disorder: Tips and Tools to Help You Take Charge of Your Life and Get Organized written by Susan Pinsky (printed by Fair Winds Press (December 1, 2006).
   
   
3. Embrace Consistency – Consistent schedules and routines are comforting so try to maintain the same morning, dinner, and bedtime schedule especially during busy weekdays.
   
   Insider’s Tips:
   Post a Family Calendar in a common area like the kitchen (a fridge or pantry door works well). This keeps everyone up to date and lets family members to communicate their individual schedules.
   
   Create family rituals to keep hectic lives in sync. Eating breakfast/dinner together or having a weekly game/ movie night lets family members know when they can count on being together.
   
   Resources:
   The ADHD Book of Lists: A Practical Guide for Helping Children and Teens with Attention Deficit Disorders by Sandra F., M.A. Rief (printed by Jossey-Bass (April 10, 2003).
   
   Keys to Parenting a Child with Attention Deficit Disorder written by Barry E. McNamara Ed.D. and Francine J. McNamara M.S.W. C.S.W. (printed by Barron's Educational Series, 2 edition, August 1, 2000).
   
   Everyday Opportunities for Extraordinary Parenting: Simple Ways to Make a Difference in Your Child's Life written by Bobbi Conner (printed by Sourcebooks; Revised edition (February 2001).
   
   
4. Know When To Say When –Too much at once is overwhelming, so balance new/challenging activities across several days if you can. Preparing for new things or changes in advance can help ease fear and worry.
   
   Resources:
   Driven to Distraction written by E. Hallowell and J. Ratey (printed by: Pantheon Books, 1994, New York).
   
   Delivered from Distraction: Getting the Most out of Life with Attention Deficit Disorder written by E. Hallowell and J. Ratey (printed by: Ballantine Books, December 27, 2005).
   
   When Too Much Isn’t Enough by Wendy Richardson, MA (printed 2005 by Piñon Press). Good discussion and ideas for learning to identify limitations and to structure your day/life to be more successful and fulfilling.
   
   
5. Tell Them About It – There are energic kids and there are attention deficit kids on overdrive who are impulsive and easily bored. Help your child understand their impulses and behaviors by talking things through with them especially when they have done something inappropriate so they can begin to understand what makes them tick. To keep children from feeling singled out for chronic behavior problems, try having a family discussion once/week (dinner is a good time) to talk about things each person likes and dislikes about themselves or each other to better appreciate each person’s unique qualities. For example, if you are not a morning person, let others know you prefer to tackle big things in the afternoons because that’s when your brain works best.
   
   Resources for Kids/Teens:
   Otto Learns about his Medication (for young children) written by M. Galvin (printed by Magination Press, 1988, New York).
   Shelly the Hyperactive Turtle (for young children) written by: D. Moss (printed by Woodbine House, 1989, Rockville, MD).
   
   Learning to Slow Down and Pay Attention written by K. Nadeau. and E. Dixon (printed by Chesapeake Psychological Pubs., 1993, Annandale, VA).
   
   Making the Grade: An Adolescent's Struggle with ADD written by R. Parker (printed by Impact Pubs., 1992, Plantation, FL).
   
   ADD and the College Student: A Guide for High School and College Students With Attention Deficit Disorder edited by Patricia O. Quinn (printed by the American Psychological Assn January 2001).
   
   
6. Disable Distractions – When working or doing homework, turn off the television, radio, cell phone, etc. This allows you and/or your child to work uninterrupted. Working on a clean desk with nothing but the essential items and facing a blank wall works better if you find yourself having trouble concentrating.
   
   Insider’s Tip: Each person’s work habits are different. One person may require complete silence to do their homework, while another may like to chew gum or hum while working. To limit interference between several children doing homework at the same time, have each one do their homework in a different room (living room coffee table, kitchen table, bedroom desk).
   
   Resource: Fidget to Focus (Outwit Your Boredom: Sensory Strategies for Living with ADD) by Roland Rotz, Ph.D. and Sarah D. Writer M.S., A.C.T (printed 2005 by iUniverse, Inc.). Great strategy book with self-help workbook.
   
   
7. Spread the Good Word – Too much negative talk makes people feel worthless or “bad,” so try to say at least one good thing for every constructive/corrective statement to balance things out. Use positive self talk to remind yourself of the good things in your life or that you've done to give yourself a pat on the back too!
   
   Insider’s Tip: Make a big deal out of saying Thank You to emphasize the positive whenever possible like saying, “Thank You so much, Brian, for taking out the trash tonight!”. If you have trouble finding good things to say, try starting with, “Good morning, sunshine!” or, “Good night, sunshine!”
   
   Resources:
   The Gift of ADHD: How to Transform Your Child’s Problems into Strengths by Lara Honos-Webb, Ph.D. (Printed 2005 by New Harbinger Publications, Inc.). Excellent reading for helping yourself, a spouse, a child, or friend with techniques for reframing your ideas about ADD and its impacts.
   
   Managing the Gift : Alternative Approaches for Attention Deficit Disorder written by Dr. Kevin Ross Emery (printed by Lightlines Publishing (September 2000).
   
   
8. Interview Child Care Providers with Care – Make sure the caregiver you are considering knows your child needs lots of structure, routine, and activities suited for active children. There's no point in pretending your child is an angel who will not be a problem especially if you have had issues with daycare providers in the past. It is better to keep looking and find the right place than to keep shuffling a child from one environment to another.
   
   Insider’s Tip: Visit potential caregivers during regular hours to see things in action or schedule a short trial period. Find a caregiver with children the same sex/age as your child to ensure your child is not a loner (which could lead to problem behavior due to boredom).
   
   Resources:
   Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (printed by HarperCollins Publishers 1991). This is a great book especially for parents with young children who are always “on the go” regardless of whether or not your child has been diagnosed with ADD or not.
   
   I Can't Sit Still: Educating and Affirming Inattentive and Hyperactive Children - Suggestions for Parents, Teachers, and Other Care Providers of Children to Age 10 by D. Johnson (printed by: ETR Associates, 1992, Santa Cruz, CA).

The Joy of Nothing

I’m one of those people who never knew what was around the next corner. I love finding new opportunities with the excitement and challenges they present. As for goals, my only real life-long goal I can remember is to make enough money to balance my checkbook and enjoy life. OK, so I won’t be a multi-billionaire with a goal like this, but I’m comfortable with that.

So now, I’m middle-aged, college educated, mother of three boys, wife, gardener, and writer. I exercise, worry about loosing 20 pounds, fuss over my children’s homework and messy penmanship, and can never seem to get caught up with the laundry. From what I observe, this is quite typical, but lately I feel this secret building inside me. I think it is contentment (you know, happiness), but I’m not complete sure. I don’t mean that “I had a good/great day” type of feeling. I mean the underlying element of your persona you carry around with you every day. The part you can’t fix with a chocolate bar, monster session at the gym, or trip to the mall. So I’m wondering, how do you measure contentment?

I used to believe I would be thrilled to achieve my life milestones like graduating college, getting married, buying a home, and having kids. These things are gratifying, but they are often replaced by other ambitions like going back to school to get my MBA, writing a wonderful and witty best-selling book, and raising my children well. For a long time my ambitions just hung around in the basement of my mind asking me when I was going to working on that book or if I would ever start those MBA classes. Then recently I gave myself permission to tangibly pursue those dreams or mentally wash them down the drain. Hanging onto things I can never find the time to do might mean I don’t really want to do them after all. I realized my life’s goals are not short-term items on a checklist. They are elements of my life that I have to work for and develop every day of my life.

So, I made a list of my life goals. Then I revised it and started tracking my progress. Then I found myself jotting down ways to work even harder on achieving or maintaining them on a daily basis. I started setting up real milestones for myself like living healthier, taking time out everyday to enjoy fun things with my kids, and helping my husband achieve his goals. These things help me appreciate that the best things in life are free like smiles, laughter, sharing, hugging, learning, working together, playing, and singing. After all, a trip to the mall doesn’t really make you happier. It takes your mind off your troubles for a while, but when you get home with those new pair of killer jeans, your soul hasn’t benefited from the experience. You may look great to everyone else, but how do you look at yourself?

And so, I’m back to how to measure contentment? Is it the point at which you want for nothing? Can we only get brief glimpses of it at a time or can we sit down and stay for a while? For me contentment is a strange but wonderful experience. Strange because so much of my life I’ve felt uneasy because I hadn’t achieved what I’d wanted to in life. But, I found I was really measuring things rather than feelings. The temporary benefits of things wear off quickly, whereas feelings are permanent, emotional memories we carry with us to re-experience whenever we like. We often think of children as the epitome of contentment, but I’m sure they don’t worry about goals and progress – they are just happy. Children enjoy each day and moment in a way adults seem to loose sight of as time goes by. The more and more content I feel, the more wonderful and appreciative I am of my life in the universe. I find myself floating on air and never wanting to return to the dark side where pessimism and anxiety drown out everything else.

Perhaps my extended bouts of happiness are the result of my choosing the things I want to do each day rather than aimlessly wandering from one expected duty to another. My true inner goals and needs are clear to me and staying true to them is crucial. If an activity arises that doesn’t help me to stay true to my inner goals, I must find a way to decline or choose another, more suiting activity. This analysis doesn’t take more than a fraction of a second. It is very empowering, fulfilling, and glorifying.

Then I wonder, why now? What’s different? The answer is many things, and yet not much. Perspective is the key, I suppose. If every second of every day we can love our bodies, believe in our spirit, and nurture our soul, then we will know the joy of wanting for nothing.

True Calling

What is it about digging in dirt that is so intoxicating. At times, I wish I’d discovered this hobby earlier in life and perhaps I’d have gotten a degree in landscape design or horticulture. Of course, one co-worker I knew at a Kansas City software firm with a horticulture degree was doing technical writing because he couldn’t pay the bills as a horticulturalist with just a bachelor’s degree. Funny with both ended up doing the same job despite our very different educational fields of emphasis.

Maybe a person doesn’t just have one career in their life anyway. Many people change jobs and job areas of expertise along the way. Even doctors and lawyers specialize between administration, hands-on work, and consulting. Early on, you work to prove yourself professionally and financially, but at some point, your goals change to fulfilling other needs. You shift from getting your foot in the door to meaningful and inspiring. But, does the American Dream work against us when we become so entrenched with mortgages, car payments, and such to the point we feel trapped by our chosen lifestyle? Those who change careers by choice or through downsizing are often seen as unfortunate even though many would report being happier and more satisfied in the long term.

Doing meaningful work is critical to me in a very fundamental way. Having a soulful outlet to explore my ideas is invigorating whether I do it in the garden or a journal. Journaling is freeing as you can write whatever you like without limits while gardening is freeing in a different way because the plants don’t care when or how I care for them so long as I am there. When I consider the most satisfying jobs I’ve had, those that allowed me autonomy were the most satisfying, motivating, and productive. Jobs that required or used rigid methods and management styles felt suffocating, leaving me constantly wanting to escape the stifling and claustrophobic conditions.

As I consider the most challenging jobs I’ve encountered, I know that appreciating the motivations of others is critical to any task. Asking, “What is this person thinking here?” gets you into a mediation mentality to begin aligning their needs with your own. Also asking, “How important is this particular item/issue in the big picture?” is key to determining the amount of effort you should spend working to resolve your differences. The ironic thing is these strategies are useful for all types of personal relationships and not just at the office. I wonder why this knowledge was new to me and seemed inherent among my co-workers. How does one acquire certain work habits and tendencies, anyway? Are we born to work a certain way, or do we learn certain techniques that stick with us throughout our lives?

I wonder why I didn’t talk to my parents about career and life choices more. To some degree, I was looking to lead a different type of life and didn't want them judging my plans. Their traditional views on the role of women were the biggest difference between in how I wanted to live my life. To some degree, I know they wanted more for me even if they didn’t know exactly what more would mean for me personally. At any rate, I did become the first person on either side of my family to graduation from college and in doing so, broke from the blue-collar traditions that had governed my ancestry thus far.

My only real issue with higher education is that I believe colleges should do more to help students identify and plan their career goals and not just ensure they meet the requirements to get a given degree. You might like computer science, but being a software engineer may not be for you if you can't sit at a desk all day. Maybe teachers and doctors shouldn’t be the only ones who have to complete internships or residencies to graduate. Internships for all types of jobs would be a big indicator for students embarking on a career. I doubt colleges will change their ways, but it seems cruel to just give students a little bit of everything from the education buffet and expect them to go figure out how to make a career out of it.

We send our children to college thinking it will help them figure out what type of life they want, but is education alone enough. I wish I’d had someone to help me understand all the things floating through my head in college and somehow make some possible career ideas out of those thoughts. Then I wonder if it’s my job to do that for my kids? After all, I guess parents are the ones ultimately responsible for guiding their children into adulthood and beyond. Does asking these questions mean I know how my parents felt as they sent me to college? I guess I have unique insight having experienced a blue-collar upbringing and then working myself into the white-collar sect, so the benefits and drawbacks of each are quite familiar. The only real crossroads is choosing the path(s) that excite you and learning to make new dreams as you fulfill old ones along your journey.