Life is NOT a ‘To Do’ List



Melissa's Solution for a
Stressed Schedule

Like many Americans, I allow my life to revolve around To Do lists. I keep thinking if I could just get these things done, I can relax and even get away for a weekend retreat. But, that just never happens. In my own observation, there are many facets of life and ACCOMPLISHMENTS are but one part of our existence. Having wonderful EXPERIENCES and RELATIONSHIPS are the other two crucial elements. After all, when you simplify basic human needs, they boil down to three things: (1) food/water, (2) shelter/clothing, and (3) being cared for/loved.

So, why are we (and even our kids!) so chronically stressed and anxious? I believe our immediate-driven lifestyles are to blame allowing us to connect instantly with anyone, anywhere via instant messaging, cell phones and Wi-Fi. While I’m all for communication, a person needs time for themselves to stay focused on their own life’s priorities and goals. Plus, technology can never provide the true connection that face-to-face, human contact provides. Voices, photos, and videos are representations of people, but are only pieces of the true person and cannot be touched or felt.

My search for solutions on Amazon.com revealed scads of material on counteracting and relieving stress. But, the new-age remedies like breathing exercises and focused meditation haven’t worked for me in the past. I needed somebody to teach me how to relax again because I’d forgotten how to quiet my soul. That’s when I found “The SuperStress Solution” book by Dr. Roberta Lee, M.D.

It’s teaching me about balancing my ‘Qi’ (the life force that regulates our spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical health). For example, I’ve learned that my tendency to isolate myself when I feel frazzled occurs because my body is balancing the excited/agitated (‘yang’) with the quiet/passive (‘yin’). Whatever terms you use to describe these states, the exercises and de-stressing tools Dr. Lee teaches are nothing short of miraculous.

Dr. Lee proposes that we answer and adhere to our answers to the following questions?

1. What do you VALUE?
2. What do you STAND UP for?
3. What do you BELIEVE IN?
4. What is SACRED to you?
5. What would you SACRIFICE for?

My own list of treasures includes: Self/Spirituality, Family, Freedom, Independence, and Friends. Yet focusing on priorities becomes murky when the day-to-day, moment-by-moment stuff comes barreling at you like a bullet from a gun. I got into the habit of giving in too easily to the nagging requests before me. Before long, I’d set trends that ran counter to my values and what is sacred to me. That’s when I realized I was too focused on GETTING DONE QUICKLY rather than DOING IT RIGHT.

Nowadays, I counteract negative energy by playing nature sounds on my iPod for background noise when writing, reading or relaxing. The chirping birds, light rainfall, and sounds of the desert at night calm my soul. They don’t distract you with words or fast tempos. In a way, that’s what I like most about my favorite getaway: Camping. The sounds of a walk in the woods are the perfect remedy for stress, grounding your sensibilities. It’s simple, unadulterated living that culminates around a roaring, crackling campfire. Watching the logs glow and burn is hypnotic and lulls me into a meditative trance. It begs silence and attention in a mystical way.

Guess I knew how to relax, I just needed to give myself permission to slow down. Yea, I might end up keeping the To Do lists, but perhaps things like WALK THE DOG IN THE WOODS will be at the top.

What We DO Have Time For

I’m tired of hearing and reading about how out-of-balance we are juggling the ever-expanding roles and responsibilities our hectic lives require. Too often I find myself telling someone, “I would, but things are just so busy right now” only to realize there is never a time when I’m not frantic. Why do I let myself become sucked into the over-scheduling vortex? Guilt has this deadlock grip on me making me think I should do more than I’m capable of handling. The media doesn’t help matters and I’m shunning TV, print, and online news because it makes you feel bad about life. I take any more stories touting the evils of technology addiction, poor nutrition, and sleep deprivation.

I suppose such ominous facts grab our attention, which is ultimately the point. They want to pique your interest and we all know that bad news travels faster than the speed of light. However, my frustration with world affairs makes me glad I have the freedom to retreat from society to seek out others who desperately seek a path of light and optimism.

'Smiling Sisters'
My Grandma (Gracie, right) with her
dad (Johnnie) and two sisters
Lorena (left) and Francis mid 1940s.

To that end, I’ve compiled a list of things I DO have time for each day/week/month/year. Hopefully, you can find some useful tips, hope, and joy to fit into your own routine!

1. Smiles – It takes no extra time to SMILE and SAY THANKS to people throughout the day. I’m setting a goal to do this twice daily until it’s a permanent habit.

Recently we merged with another company in town and re-located our employees to their site. I was pleasantly surprised to find so many familiar faces (from other companies I’ve worked for over the years) along with many new friends. Smiling and saying hello to everyone (even ones I couldn’t name) makes me feel so at home

'Smiling Football Fans'
Rollie, dad, and me Sept. 2010 at the
Iowa vs. Iowa State football game.

 and comfortable. Had I taken a more standoffish stance, I’d surely get a far different reaction walking those halls each day. For inspiration, visit The Art of Smiling website.

2. Healthy Body – If I don’t treat my body well, I’m prone to illness plus feel tired and drained. A daily regimen of exercise plus eating fresh fruits and veggies keeps everything in good working order. Being fit gets me through those very busy, overwhelming days!

I’ve discovered as I age that eating and exercising properly is a necessity rather than a novelty. If I don’t eat yogurt and bananas for breakfast, my sinuses clog up and I get infections easily. If I forget to take my Citrucel fiber each morning, my intestines painfully remind me. Skipping exercise and stretching for more than a day gives me stiff joints and achy muscles. Giving my body what it craves lets me live every day more fully. If you need a kick in the butt to get healthier, check out this book I’m reading called "The Superstress Solution" by Roberta Lee, M.D. The 4-week diet and lifestyle program is a wonderful read on handling stress more efficiently, building resilience, relaxing, plus sleeping well and managing your weight.

3. Get Outdoors – I cannot say enough about the miraculous way nature fills my soul. A walk in the park or even sitting in my car facing a tree or meadow is entrancing. Watching the birds, squirrels, and other creatures scurrying about is both soothing and rejuvenating. Check out this article for motivation: Looking at Nature Makes You Nicer.

4. Simplicity – Everyone likes cool stuff (even me), but before I buy I ask, “Is this for a physical need or an emotional one?” Buying things feels good, but too much stuff makes more work, which I don’t need. Besides, most times a good cleaning/rearranging session makes me feel like got a new wardrobe or redecorated.

I love reading and have researched electronic book readers (where you can download thousands of titles via a web connection) at great length. Yet, I hesitate because buying books second-hand (at a fraction of the list price) and re-selling my old titles is so economical. Plus, printed versions let you write notes in margins, highlight favorite passages, are easily dried out when spilled on, can be shared with friends, and require no batteries or charging. If I traveled more for work, I’d invest in an e-reader, but for now, the low-tech print books are best.

5. Give within Limits – My mailbox and email are overflowing with ‘Won’t You Please Help…” requests, plus the nightly phone calls. Giving is good whether it’s your money or time, but setting limits makes saying ‘No’ easier. I confine myself to these charities: (1) soldier/veterans’ groups like the USO and DAV and (2) Easter Seals benefiting disabled children. Even if I only have $5 to give some years, that’s still good I did for someone else.